Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Big Score

ThoseBoth of you paying attention yesterday may have noticed that we hit the motherlode of comedy gold, Rabid Right Wing Weasel stylee!! And this vein is rich in irony & creamy nutritious goodness. (Rich as in "Haw haw, that's rich.")

Yes, it's "Dr. Jack" Wheeler's House of Absurdity. (He, or his webmaster, refers to himself as "Dr. Jack," quotation marks & all. It's not just us mocking his degree in fundamentalism from the Bumfuck, Alabama School of Correspondence Theology.)

Where better to start than a visual? We'll assume the dude on the left w/ the Jack Lord/televangelist pompadour is "Dr. Jack" himself, as the senile load on the right (so to speak) is one of those fools Americans continue to "elect" president. (Doesn't actually say on the site, so who really knows?)Now try this on for size.
"Dr. Jack" predicted the collapse of the former Soviet Union, ten years before it came about - and explained exactly how it would take place. He won a bet with a top-expert [sic] when the Berlin Wall fell. In To The Point™, he'll tell you about the plans the Chinese Underground Church Movement has to send 100,000 Chinese Christian missionaries to the Middle East to convert Moslem Arabs to Christianity.
We don't know about you, but we'd just looooove to hear about converting those Moooslims. In the meantime, don't worry about smarty-pants cynics mocking you.

Want to know why America's culture is not -- not -- going down the drain, why our cultural values are going to start getting BETTER and not WORSE? You must read this excerpt from "The Curse of the Xers" ... "Over the coming years, young Millennials (or Generation Y as some insist on calling them) will be pouring out of their teens and into their twenties to seize control of popular culture away from Xers. Say goodbye and good riddance to crotch-grabbing it's-cool-to-be-a-smartass sleaze. Say hello to music you can actually listen to (i.e., that's actually music), TV shows you can let your kids watch, and baseball caps worn normally. Trust me on this. American culture has not disintegrated, we're not going to keep heading down into a bottomless cultural barrel. We're in the bottom of a generational cycle that our country has gone through before and will again. Our nightmare of degeneracy will soon be coming to an end. Just remind yourself, though, before the next spectacle of Xer cynical ridicule drives you apoplectic, of all the Xers risking their lives right now in Iraq and Afghanistan so that we have the luxury and freedom to get mad at what's wrong with our culture. Some day years from now, one of them may need to become another Patton or Eisenhower, and we'll be quite thankful Xers are who they are."

Praise Jah!! If we'd seen another baseball cap being worn abnormally, we just know it would have been the very end of Western Civilization.

And now let us extend our apologies to "Dr. Jack," who claims "he received his Ph.D. in Philosophy from the University of Southern California, where he lectured on Aristotelian ethics." If anyone would like to check on that, don't let us stop you.

Now let's re-examine a couple of the statements we used yesterday, & imagine just where "Dr. Jack" placed in his logic classes.

Liberalism is not a political philosophy or coherent set of beliefs. It is a psychological strategy to avoid being envied.

All forms of leftism and liberalism are based on an atavistic belief in Black Magic. All are based on the primitive fear of the envious Evil Eye.

Grab your DSM-IV(R)s & look for "enviophobia" right now. Oh, & tell this to those "Hollywood Liberals," all of whose "life-style choices" are about keeping a low profile, not drawing attention to themselves, etc.
The only Americans who owe reparations to the descendants of slaves are the descendants of slave owners. These people are one and the same, i.e., American blacks are a racial mix of white slave owner and black slave. Blacks owe reparations to themselves.

So many things wrong w/ that one. As if the slave owners married their slaves out of romantic love. And there are no white descendants of slave owners?

As a professional adventurer, [Wheeler] has discovered lost tribes and led expeditions to every corner of the globe. - U.S. Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA)

Leave it to a ninny like Rohrabacher to think white guys are "discovering lost tribes." And if "Dr. Jack" is the world traveler he claims to be, we're a bit suprised he's not somewhat more tolerant & understanding of those not exactly like him. Of course he's more in the 19th century "Great White Hunter" model. And the following makes one think he's not very tolerant of those who are exactly like him:

The next insanity to come in the homosexual assault on the American Family will be PHM: Polygamous Homosexual Marriage. Pathologically promiscuous homosexuals will consider their "marriage" a legalism that will in no way prevent them from adultery en masse. To maintain the pretense of "marriage" however, they will have to quickly begin agitating for the legalization of group sodomization as "just another form of the married life-style".

We leave you & "Dr. Jack" w/ his recycled item from today.

It's funny that they call this ceremony a Commencement, for you've all reached the finish line: college, goodbye, we're outta here. Yet of course, "commencement" means a beginning, not an end.

It couldn't be, oh, the commencement of the the grad's productive, pro-capitalist wage-slave life, could it?

And just one more we spotted:

Yes, intimidation often works when your opponent is a pussy. Obambi is indeed a pussy, and voters' suspicion that he is would only be confirmed if he capitulated to Clinton intimidation - which is why he has to reject her, even though he knows she wants to be rejected.

We're sure that the University of Spoiled Children is proud of this graduate. Southern Cal alums, let's find out if he really is a grad, & petition to have his sheepskin revoked.


Larry Harmon said...

If he lectured on Aristotelian ethics, it was probably as a lowly graduate teaching assistant, like me, not as a professor.

M. Bouffant said...

Ed Speaking:

Oh, he couldn't possibly have been a prof. Even at USC, our own semi-alma mater.

Larry Harmon said...

Hey, I can top a semi-alma mater. My mother went to the University of Chicago, which would make it my alma mater mater, nicht wahr?
P.S. That was before Milton Friedman et al really fucked up the place.