"Did You Know?" Part Deux (Black Belt Patriotism)

Continuing from yesterday's "Did You Know?" (truncated due to time constraints) we link you to Chuck Norris's Human Events column, which inspired this. This reporter remembers when our crypto-fascist parental units subscribed to the paper version (well, there were only paper versions in the long ago early 1960s) of Human Events but you can bet your ass that even John Wayne wouldn't have had a column in it in those days. The pamphlet was (and still is) about a half-step to the left of the John Birch society, but there was no "celebrity" (if you can call Norris that) fetishism. One of (alright, the only) thing we remember from those halcyon days was that Human Events had its knickers in a knot over allegations that the United States Post Office was complaining about people writing "This is a republic, not a democracy," on envelopes. In retrospect that sounds like a bunch of crap, why would the P. O. care, & what could they do, but it was part & parcel of the right-wing paranoia that continues to this day. Now that we've wallowed in nostalgia, we'll continue our time wasting by thoroughly examining Massa Norris's latest. He's on about the word "nigger." Perhaps he just resents the limitations on his use of it:

Blacks can, but whites can't.

Oooooh, "racism."

This is more than a race issue and far more than a debate over freedom of speech. When will we learn that just because we can say something doesn't mean that we should? Once again, we're confusing liberty for licentiousness. It is a classic example of what happens when a society leaves its moral absolutes: Everything becomes culturally relative, with each deciding what's right in his own eyes. Language is one more infected arena in America's societal degradation. Think about it. What word is nasty or unwholesome anymore? There are no "bad words." Words once considered evil are now terms of endearment. There's the B-word, the D-word, the A-word, the F-word, etc. Even bleeps are mere blips on America's moral radar screens. When ministers use G-- d--- in their sermons and moral activists threaten to cut off a presidential candidate's genitals and call him the N-word, can't we see the signs that we're heading in the wrong direction? We have become desensitized to everything, from profanity to pornography.

No mention of our desensitization to rapacious violence perpetrated on those of "duskier" skin tone, or different sexual orientation, or wymyn, often by agents of the United Snakes Gov't., as perpetuated by the liberal mainstream media. (Do you watch the evening network news? When was the last time the body of an American, as opposed to a swarthy insurgent or Talibani was displayed?) But that's America's Culture o' Death for you. Murder, destruction, etc.? A-OK. A glimpse of a life-giving female breast on the tube? Sin!! Shame!! Abomination!! A titty!! Oh no, what if Junior saw it & remembers? Words once evil are now endearing? Why, yes, they are, as slang changes, as oppressed groups take possession of the words used to oppress them (The nerve of those young colored people & queers!) & so on. We're surprised he didn't complain about the use of "bad" & "dope," or "it's da bomb" (terribly insensitive to people killed by suicide bombers, after all) as positive adjectives/phrases. "Golly Gee Whillikers," says Mr. Clean-Mouth, "we can't even understand what the coloreds are saying, & our decent young white people are starting to imitate them!" As we typed yesterday: "It's OK to use the phrase "God Bless [Fill in Blank Space]," but asking "God" to damn something is wrong? (Why worship the Hebrew War God if you can't get him to kick your enemies' asses?) These lines deserve special attention, so we'll repeat them:

Everything becomes culturally relative, with each deciding what's right in his own eyes. Language is one more infected arena in America's societal degradation.

You certainly have no right, as an American, to decide what's right or wrong. That's what the gov't. & the busybodies are for. Where did we even get the idea that we aren't children who need big gov't. to protect us from thinking for ourselves, or the teaching of evolution or what have you? We certainly remember Mr. Norris as being in favor of as much gov't. as possible, regulating as many aspects of our life as possible. Don't you? And any one who could type a sentence like that last one has no right to complain about language in any way, shape or form. Hope your arena clers up soon. Tried methycillin? The world has changed around Chuck, & he's definitely not down w/ it.

Today's America is certainly not the one in which I grew up during the '40s and '50s. Profanity of any sort was wrong back then and frowned upon by most in private or public use. Today profanity has become a positive form of expression, with studies even showing that it releases stress and boosts morale at the workplace!

No, it's not the world he was raised in. (It's debatable if he "grew up" at all.) This really is low-hanging fruit, we'll pass on listing all the incredible hypocrisy, repression, segregation, racism, sexism & the rest of the litany of Mr. Norris's precious '40s & '50s. Remember, though, that to Chuck & his ilk, hypocrisy & repression are the ways to go. They build "character" & deaden minds. Profanity does release stress & boost morale. Chuck doesn't think that's a very good idea though, does he? (If the words weren't considered so dirty & forbidden, they wouldn't have that effect. Think about that for a minute, Karate Boy.) Ever wonder how long he'd last in an 0800-1700 day job? He'd be whining & pissing his pants about his precious "freedoms" w/in a wk.! We know that Mr. Norris isn't much of a science fan ("Don't teach any of that evolution crap garbage near me!!") but would it be too much trouble to have a study or two done proving that hearing "fuck," instead of "duck," "luck," "buck," and the like causes actual damage to children's minds? It might hurt their feelings? Isn't sensitivity to the feelings of others the very definition of being a pussy? (Would Chuck use that word? In that context? Maybe we should just ban it entirely. Who cares if it has several meanings? "Pussywillow. Tee hee.") And our children & their children (It never stops.) won't beat the terrorists by being "pussies." Of course, Chuck's real interest is blind obedience & repression. Train the little fucks that certain words are intrinsically bad & should never be said (especially if "other" people use those words a lot) & Chuck's element are in a much better position to dissuade people from certain ideas & concepts w/o examining them. Chuckie's other real interest? Why, book sales. All of the first half of his column leads to a plug for Black Belt Patriotism, his upcoming (as if your lunch is about to come up) tome, & a few selections therefrom. What saying (or not saying) "poopie doodie underpants" or "Die, you commie rat bastard!!" has to do w/ "patriotism" is a question for someone else to ask (& we'd love to hear Norris's reply) but let's see how dedicated to his country he is. We should first note that he's an Alan Keyes type, who has little or no interest in the Constitution, which doesn't mention "gawd" or "the creator," but thinks the Declaration of Independence is the be all & end all of American thought.

"...The Declaration of Independence set America's course. Though we have sometimes drifted from its highest principles, all Americans have ever had to do was steer by its compass to acknowledge or rediscover the inherent equality of slaves, women, the poor, Indians, and the unborn. All were -- and are -- children of God, endowed by their creator with 'certain unalienable rights.' … "The Founders could not immediately abolish slavery. It was too entrenched in the economy of the South, but the Declaration eroded its foundations in a way that made its end inevitable. That 'all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights' is one of the most powerful principles ever enunciated in the history of politics." And that power can be unleashed again to help us in our day. The sooner we get back to our Founders' words, our country's original calling, the sooner we will start treating one another (red, yellow, black and white) as our Founders' [sic] prescribed and the sooner we will get beyond these slanderous debates about language and humanity. It's time to grow up, America -- to move beyond the arguments of yesteryear. You're older than 200 now. It's time to act your age.

Slavery is just terrible, but we can't have (white) people starving if we get rid of it. W/ these fucks, the economy (or just a chance to get another damn nickel) trumps humanity every time, doesn't it? That Declaration sure "eroded its foundations," huh? But it withered away eventually, & it's not as if we had to have a big ol' war or anything, so sincere were we about our Declaration. And brown people don't seem to enter into his equation at all. They'll have to stop invading us by sneaking over the border & having too many children before they can be included w/ the red, yellow, black & white. Hey, how 'bout those "red" people, anyway? America's really worked out well for them, hasn't it? Good thing we were able to free them from the personal responsibility of taking care of their own land. The ladies? Only took about a century & a half for them to get the right to vote. Love that Declaration! What a foundation!! Or, sometimes. a foundation-eroder!! It's two mints in one! So stop these "slanderous (?) debates about language & humanity!!" Chuck knows what's best for all of us, no "slanderous debate" needed. It's time to act your age, not your hat size, America!!