Ho! Ho! Ho Chi Minh! NLF Is Gonna Win!! (And They Did)

A common theme at exciting new whine-site Big Hollywood is that all the zillions of "closet conservatives" lurking around the metaphorical men's rooms of Hollywood should start tapping their feet louder & come out of their political closets & stalls.

Call To Cotton Arms: Come Out Of The GOP Closet Abbreviated/paraphrased version: I have solid anecdotal proof that wearing a Ronald Wilson Reagan tee-shirt irks & annoys "liberals." My father was from Cuba, even though he was an American, & Che Guevara wasn't Cuban, even though no one's said he was. Did I mention that "Che" wasn't Cuban? There's a non-working link to the tee shirts I'm selling somewhere on this page. That was easy. This, perhaps, not as much, also, you betcha.

When is Hollywood going to get over its self-hatred identity and its glorification of murderers

(Do they all have some sort of hearing deficiency? Or are they just so thickly-skulled that words only get 75% of the way inside their minds, & we get usage like that?) So let's talk identity, as Lindsey does.

This Cuban is sick and tired of Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara. My father never said he was a Cuban, or a Cuban American. He was simply an American.

Yet Joe is "This Cuban" from the very beginning. How quickly they forget the lessons of their parents. (Crypto-fascist Commie-hatin' Cuban-American is one of the allowed "multi-culti" hyphenations, by the way, along w/ WASP-American. Most others, just call yourselves "American" & shut up.)

The only time I ever saw my father almost shed a tear was when he was caught off guard by the sight of a young hippie in a Che Guevara t-shirt. A look of confusion and sadness washed over the old man’s Death Wish face at the site of Che. He grabbed me by the arm as if I were in trouble and in his thick Cuban Scarface accent said, “You see the face on his shirt?” I nodded a resounding yes. “I don’t ever want to see you in a shirt like that. That man was a murderer, a thief, a liar and not a Cuban.”

Remember that, it's on the test.

Years later my father would yank my brothers and I out school for an impromptu school trip, “Where are we going?” we asked, “To the airport to see an American hero.” [sic, sic, sic]

He [Lindsey's father] then quickly mastered the English language

There, proof that acquired characteristics cannot be inherited. Who'd they see at the airport? Why, St. Ronnie.

[A] large plane came to a halt on the tarmac, its blue and white paint shining in the fat bloated sun.

And who's the better man?

One man made it as far as a t-shirt, the other to the White House.

But enough of Joe Lindsey's identity crisis. What's the gist of Joe's message? "Bail me out, wingnut welfarians!!"

To raise the consciousness of America to a greater moral standard we must begin to make films about true heroes. If we creative members of the GOP don’t do something now for proven heroes, not only will they be forgotten by the young, we will be forced to sit through a hundred years of glowing President Barack Hussein Obama films no matter what he does, or doesn’t do. And trust me; these films are currently gestating in the minds of every squishy-Lib that has a “Pepsi style” Barack Hussein Obama bumper sticker on their car in Hollywood.

Here's more irony! "Pepsi style" bumper sticker? From Joe's unusable link for tee-shirts:Oh yeah. RC: "We're number three by a large margin!" Or this:Actual copyright violations, not just "style."

We are disturbed by the reference to "a hundred years of glowing President Barack Hussein Obama." Does someone have atomic high-jinks in mind? 

This is getting tedious, we've been at it for two hrs.+, w/ just a few breaks, but we can't let the outro go.

If we don’t make these films then it’s our fault, I blame no one but us. This is a movement and a light must be shone upon it. We need to seek out the like-minded power players in Hollywood and say, “Show me your balls, then show me the money and greenlight this movie.”

Uh, where exactly do we go w/ this? He's shining a light on a "movement" while asking to see someone's balls? (And then he wants money.) Or, "Yes, a light must be shone on this, like anything else that is found under a rock?"

Today, if one uninformed celebrity is seen on ‘Access Hollywood’ wearing Che across their chest, then every misinformed teen wants to put one across theirs. Sarah Louise Heath Palin is not the new Ronald Wilson Reagan. Reagan must be the new Reagan. Let’s see Reagan t-shirts on the catwalks of Milan, up and down the mean streets of Melrose, on the lead singers of arena rock bands and at every red carpet event that’s touting the latest brilliant, genius filmmaker!

Yep, more movies about real heroes like Ronald "senile dementia" Reagan. Please. Note that Gov. Palin gets a mention, but there don't seem to have been any other Republicans on the national scene since Reagan. What happened to the Bush boys there, Joe? Shouldn't they be on tee-shirts? And the demographic Joe knows will understand the message? "Lead singers of arena rock bands." Don't forget, "Che" does not equal "Cuban." and yes, Joe, let's put your "old man" to rest. Stop typing about him.

If celebrities are comfortable plastering a lying, murdering thief who wasn’t even Cuban across their chest, then we should be overwhelmed with pride to put a proven American hero across ours. Come on Big Hollywood, let’s put my old man to rest and put a spin in Ernesto’s grave. This is a call to cotton arms, I dare you to come out of your GOP closet and be seen.

Come out, come out, wherever you are! (But be careful. The general tone at Big Hollywood is that your car will be keyed if you dare appear to be to the left of Mao in Hollywood. So if you're wearing your "I'm proud to be a stupid authoritarian ninny" shirt, the vicious self-hating Jewish homos of Hollywood may just slap you sillier than you already are!)