World Of Lies

Arm the children! What other defense do they have against these lies? If you must see them all, here.

1. When you die you go to heaven
There is oblivion and you are burned or eaten by worms. That's right, you shouldn't have asked.

4. If we don't punish you, you won't learn for next time
It probably won't make any difference to the next time, but it makes Mummy and Daddy feel powerful.

7. Mummy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt you
Mummies and Daddies do a lot of things that they don't understand the consequences of. When you are old enough, you can read a poem by someone called Philip Larkin that will explain it to you perfectly.

9. What goes around comes around
Grownups who study the mind have a name for this belief – the just-world theory. It has been disproven many times, but lots of people still believe it. In reality, bad behaviour often goes unpunished and good behaviour unrewarded. Worth bearing in mind if you want to grow up to be a businessman or a politician.

11. You are the most beautiful/special boy/girl in the world
It's statistically unlikely.

13. You should never tell lies
At least not until you're proficient enough to get away with it. And also when it comes to Mummy's new shoes.

15. You can't walk to school by yourself because you might get run over
You can't walk to school by yourself because Mummy and Daddy are dominated by irrational fears and have a poor understanding of the mathematics of risk.

17. There are fairies at the bottom of the garden
Property prices drove them out years ago.

18. God is good and will look after you
Turn off Winx Club and take a look at the news.

20. Money doesn't matter
Only if you have all-powerful giants giving you everything for free.

PARENTING IS FASCISM. LEAVE THE CHILDREN ALONE BEFORE IT'S TOO DAMN LATE, NAZI MORONS!!