A Date Like None Other (Completely Dull)

As the Editorial Staff here will be under gov't. interrogation at an undisclosed location tomorrow morning, we'll just leave you w/ a bit of what happened today in "history," in case we never get out. Nothing interesting so far. 1813: Oliver H. Perry sent his famous message, "We have met the enemy, and they are ours," after defeating the British in the Battle of Lake Erie in the War of 1812. 1846: Elias Howe of Massachusetts received a patent for his sewing machine. 1939: Canada declared war on Germany, entering WWII. 1963: Twenty black students entered public schools in Birmingham, Mobile, and Tuskegee, Alabama, after President John F. Kennedy sent National Guardsman [sic] to end the standoff with Alabama Governor George Wallace. (Just one National Guard guy? That George Wallace was a wuss.) 2002: Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. That's some excitement, huh? Canada & Switzerland, two of the world's most exciting nations, did something. And sewing machine patents. No, wait, here's something...well, interesting, anyway. From the very same page, we find a contradiction: 1846 - Japan invents the rickshaw Or: 1869 - Baptist minister invents rickshaw in Yokohama, Japan Once again, you are forced to decide. Even most of the birthdays are those of dullards. Why, it's as if the entire world were waiting for 11 September, 2001. Elsa Schiaparelli, fashion designer (1890) Arnold Palmer, golfer (1929) Charles Kuralt, television news reporter (1934) Roger Maris, baseball player (1934) Arthur Dyre Tripp III, Mothers Of Invention, Magic Band (as Ed Marimba) percussionist (1939)* Stephen Jay Gould, paleontologist and science writer (1941) *Pointless personal note: Art used to have his 'phone number in the L. A. 'phone book. Around 1983 The Editor called him (after discovering his # by accident while looking for another # – ah, the randomness we've lost due to the rise of the devil-box) & asked if he'd play drums for Nation of Sheep, one of those "legendary" bands that never happened. Art said no, thanks for the offer, but he was going to school in order to become a chiropractor. We wonder if he did.