Shorter Joanie Zoidberg

Tuesday again, time to travel to the Tribune Co.'s toilet for felines & see what the Spawn of Lucianne has to offer.

The little feller has noticed that the vast majority of Americans (& sensible people throughout the civilized world) are not exactly enamored w/ conservative values & causes.

The trouble for conservatives [...] is that their worldview isn't overwhelmingly popular.

Can't fool him for more than two or three yrs., can you? None of this has anything to do w/ Bush of course:

Some conservatives respond to this dilemma with an "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" shrug. If voters don't embrace limited government -- which really just means self-government -- then have them choose between a big government that does right-wing things and one that does left-wing things. Some of those people are called "compassionate conservatives." Others seek comfort in the soothing irrelevance of purism and adopt libertarian candidates and causes that will never, ever, win at the ballot box.

Out of idle curiosity, when was the last time the phrase "compassionate conservatism" issued from any one's mouth? It had pretty much gone the way of "I'm a uniter, not a divider," by February 2001, hadn't it?

Committed conservatives, meanwhile, find themselves at a disadvantage: They advocate smaller government for everybody -- when Americans generally (including most Republicans) want smaller government for everybody but themselves.

Oh, those stupid Americans, w/ their self-interest, their desire to pool their risk, & have the pool administered by the gov't. instead of a profit-crazed corporate insurer.

If Hillary Clinton promised to socialize medicine -- which, let the record show, she has attempted to do in the past -- she would lose. But her current campaign promise to simply expand coverage sounds reasonable enough -- even though there's no reason to think she'll stop pushing for a national single-payer healthcare system (a.k.a. socialized medicine).

Let the record show that Americans don't realize that limited gov't. "really just means self-government." They're handing over their right to govern themselves & live free for a chance at health care, or a retirement consisting of more than scavenging for recyclables & eating canned pet food. How short-sighted of them. There's neither liberty nor virtue there. (Warning: It's frighteningly easy to spew crap like that.)

At this point we were afraid Doughbob was headed into "This Is Why Democracy Isn't Such a Good Idea" territory, but he may be saving that one for next yr., after the election.

But there is another course for conservatives: Simply do what you can, where you can, including supporting the most conservative candidate who can win and succeed in office.
Meanwhile, writes Voegeli, it "makes sense for conservatives to attack liberalism where it is weakest, rather than where it is strongest." Unlike the utopianisms of the left, conservatism is defined by an understanding that this life can never be made perfect, so pry out what bricks you can, when you can, wherever they are loose.

And while you're prying out the loose bricks, drowning the baby or whatever colorful metaphor you like to use for destroying the remainder of our social/governmental structure, don't let that building fall on you. Not that a ton of self-inflicted bricks on your head would make you any more of a brain-damaged fool than you already are.

And here's the shorter version (Ha ha, made you wait): Fellow committed conservatives, we've fucked up royally with stupidity, recklessness, cronyism, corruption, hypocrisy & all the other traits we're so well known for. Now all we can do is hunker down, wait for the demonic forces of liberalism to pass, then stand up & make funny faces at them. Once they're completely out of earshot, we can go "Nyah nyah!!" at them too.

Stylistic Notes: Unless not having a style is considered a style in this post-modern era, Jonah's only stylistic trait is the use of the word "crowd" in a condescending manner. And he comes through again:

[A]narchists, Marxists, flat-Earthers and every other creedal crowd -- all think they're right.

Usually it's something along the lines of "the brie and sandals crowd."
Above: DoughBob has an idea for (yet) another subtitle.
Liberal Fascism Update: We noted previously that the subtitle had changed, & the publication date had been pushed back, though only by a week. Not the first time the release date had been moved back. And now the subtitle has changed again, to: "The Secret History of the American Left, from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning." Sen. Clinton & Whole Foods don't get to sue any more. Editor & Publisher reports that Amazon's page for the book was hacked recently as well:

Now someone--presumably not a fan--has hacked the book's entry at online bookseller amazon.com. Its current title -- at least momentarily at that site -- is "Liberal Fascism: The Totalitarian Temptation from When I Got My Advance Until I Finally Hand in the Manuscript in 2011."

Not the first time that's been hacked, either.