High On Her Own Supply Of Vaporware

You Don't Want to Know What It Smells Like

Gwyneth "GOOP" Paltrow explains her business model:

"... we’re able to create product out of thin air that we believe in so much.”

You'll never go broke, yada ...

Her infamous jade yoni eggs—sold for $66 and were meant to be inserted into the vagina for whatever reason—came with warnings from the medical community and got our Gwynedd fined $145,000.

More recently, as seen on The Kardashians, Paltrow collaborated with Kourtney Kardashian on a candle called “Smells Like My Pooshie.” Part of that is in reference to Kardashian’s own wellness line, Poosh. Because, synergy?

In related fare, 2020 saw Goop release a $75 candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina.” And while we’re still on the subject, there’s no telling how many housewives bought Goop’s 24k Olga Gold Dildo for $3,490. Though it’s a small price to pay if you’re down with creepy Hollywood orgasm cults.

Other objets Paltrow has peddled to the public include a toothpaste squeezer, vampire repellent spray, and a $73 wooden spoon.

Someone should shove one of those jade eggs down her throat for a few minutes.