Social Con Throws (Tinfoil) Hat In Ring

We think Susan Burns is our next Republican president. Look how she announced, demonstrating her concern for the family & the faithful w/ a 21st century Tea Party/Art Attack.

Just one of many concepts brain-stormed for the campaign:

Newt Gingrich is afraid his grandchildren will grow up under godless atheists &/or Muslim Sharia law. So is Susan Burns. BUT SHE'S DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

On Friday afternoon, Burns allegedly walked over to the Gauguin painting in Gallery 214-C and “grabbed the frame holding said painting on its left side and attempted to pull it off the wall.” Burns, the misdemeanor complaint charges, then “struck the middle of the painting with her right fist.” However, since the painting was “protected by a transparent acrylic shield on the front,” no damage was observed.

Burns gave an extensive--and very kooky--statement after being read her Miranda warning Friday. She said, “I feel that Gauguin is evil. He has nudity and is bad for the children. He has two women in the painting and it’s very homosexual. I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned. I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.”

Seems party line to us, w/ the possible exception of the last two sentences. But we're still months & months & months away from the first caucuses or debates. It may become a matter of pride among the sacrificial lambs that there is an American CIA radio in their heads. ("I am going to kill you," while common enough among the reactionaries, has so far been aimed at people unfortunate enough to live above AmeriKKKa'a oil on the other side of the world. Matter of time before it's applied to the domestic half of "enemies foreign & domestic.")

Our next president is a crusader against coercion by governmental violence as well (At least when it's applied to her. Always good for the hypocrite vote.):

Burns [...] appears to have a lengthy rap sheet that includes convictions for carjacking, disorderly conduct, trespassing, and assault on a law enforcement officer.

Starbursts Dep't.

For the all important Republican Viagra®-user demo, we can gussy up Susan Burns for less than Sarah Palin's Lower 48 shopping spree. Paint some eyebrows back on, get her back on her meds for that twinkle in the eye & something resembling a smile, do something about the lighting & bingo: Stepford Wife w/ spunk!

More sourcing. Bit totally suggested @MaxBlumenthal: