Stripped Down, Who Cares (Seriously, Why The Hell Bother?) Version Of History

Today is Saturday, April 11, the 101st day of 2009. There are 264 days left in the year. Today's Highlight in History: On April 11, 1970, Apollo 13 blasted off on its ill-fated mission to the moon. (The astronauts managed to return safely). On this date: In 1689, William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns of Britain. In 1814, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated as Emperor of the French and was banished to the island of Elba. In 1898, as tensions with Spain continued to rise, President William McKinley asked Congress to authorize military intervention in Cuba. In 1899, the treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared in effect. [Guess we showed them. America rules!! — Ed.] In 1945, during World War II, American soldiers liberated the notorious Nazi concentration camp in Buchenwald, Germany. In 1951, President Harry S. Truman relieved Gen. Douglas MacArthur of his command in the Far East. [That means Korea. — Ed.] In 1979, Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels and exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control. In 1988, the hijackers of a Kuwait Airways jetliner killed a second hostage, dumping his body onto the ground in Larnaca, Cyprus. In 1989, Mexican officials began unearthing the remains of victims of a drug-trafficking cult near Matamoros; one of the dead was University of Texas student Mark Kilroy, who had disappeared while on spring break. (Several cult members were later convicted of premeditated murder and sentenced to 50 years in prison.) In 2001, ending a tense 11-day standoff, China agreed to free the 24 crew members of an American spy plane. Ten years ago: The Justice Department reported that more than a third of the women in state prisons and jails said they were physically or sexually abused as children. Jose Maria Olazabal won the Masters by two shots over Davis Love III. Five years ago: President George W. Bush defended his response to a briefing memo from August 2001 about possible terrorist plots against the United States, saying he was "satisfied that some of the matters were being looked into" and that there were no specific threats against New York and Washington. Pope John Paul II celebrated Easter Mass with calls for world leaders to resolve conflicts in Iraq, the Holy Land and Africa. Phil Mickelson's agonizing pursuit of a major ended at the Masters when he made an 18-foot birdie putt on the final hole. One year ago: Group of Seven financial officials meeting in Washington pledged to strengthen their regulation of banks and other financial institutions while anxiously hoping the credit crisis in the United States would be a short one. French troops captured six pirates after the pirates released 30 hostages who were aboard the French luxury yacht Le Ponant when it was seized off Somalia's coast. [Plus ça change, baby. — Ed.] Today's Birthdays: Former New York State Gov. Hugh Carey is 90. Ethel Kennedy is 81. Actor Johnny Sheffield is 78. Actor Joel Grey is 77. Actress Louise Lasser is 70. Syndicated columnist Ellen Goodman is 68. Movie writer-director John Milius is 65. Actor Peter Riegert is 62. Actor Meshach Taylor is 62. Movie director Carl Franklin is 60. Actor Bill Irwin is 59. Country singer-songwriter Jim Lauderdale is 52. Songwriter-producer Daryl Simmons is 52. Rock musician Nigel Pulsford is 48. Actor Lucky Vanous is 48. Country singer Steve Azar is 45. Singer Lisa Stansfield is 43. Rock musician Dylan Keefe (Marcy Playground) is 39. Actor Johnny Messner is 39. Actor Vicellous Shannon is 38. Rapper David Banner is 35. Actress Tricia Helfer is 35. Rock musician Chris Gaylor (The All-American Rejects) is 30. Singer Joss Stone is 22. On April eleventh, 1958, Jerry Lee Lewis' first wife, Jane Mitcham, filed for divorce. Lewis had already secretly married his 13-year-old cousin, Myra Gale Brown. [Go cat go! — Ed.] In 1961, Bob Dylan made his first professional appearance at a club in New York's Greenwich Village. In 1965, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones shared the bill at the "New Musical Express" poll winners' contest in London. In 1970, Paul McCartney announced what he called a temporary break from The Beatles. Peter Green of Fleetwood Mac announced he was leaving the band to follow his religious beliefs. [Mr. Green, unlike Mr. McCartney, actually has musical talent. But he's totally fucking nuts. — Ed.] In 1981, guitarist Eddie Van Halen and actress Valerie Bertinelli got married. They separated in 2002 and divorced in 2007. In 1983, "Gandhi" was the big winner at the Academy Awards, taking best picture and director. "Up Where We Belong" from the movie "An Officer and a Gentleman" won the best song award. In 1988, "The Last Emperor" was named best picture at the Academy Awards. Cher won a best actress award for "Moonstruck." Thought for Today: "We think in generalities, but we live in detail." — Alfred North Whitehead, British philosopher (1861-1947).