Hands Across The Border

Uh oh, forgot our most "popular" stolen feature this wk. (We've no un-stolen features.)

Wreck (Record); Last Loss; Next Loss
1. Dallas (1-4); 21-24, Minnehaha; N.J. Giants
2. Detroit (1-5); 20-28, N.J. Giants; Disabled List
3. Oakland (2-4); 9-17, San Francisco; Denver
4. Buffalo (0-5); Disabled List; Baltimore
5. Carolina (0-5); Disabled List; San Francisco
6. San Diego (2-4);
7. Cleveland (1-5);
8. San Francisco (1-5);
9. Minnehaha (2-3);
10. Winnipeg* (4-11).
*Canadian Football League, part of Bottom Ten's lousy-teams exchange program.

Winnipeg are the "Blue Bombers." (Is that like an "F-Bomb," but that little bit nicer 'cause they're Canucks?)

Hurting the feelings of college students everywhere:

The University of Akron (no relation to the discount-store chain) originally called its teams the Zippers.

The nickname wasn't meant to be suggestive. It referred to the zipped galoshes made in the Ohio town by the B.F. Goodrich Co.

In 1950, the school changed its nickname to the Zips, which is a perfect fit these days. How many wins does Akron have after seven games? Zero. Zip.

The losingest team in the nation, it obviously belongs at the top of the Bottom Ten. For you positive thinkers, it's ranked No. 206 in Sagarin's top 245 poll.

Wreck, Record; Last Loss; Next Loss

1. Akron (0-7); 10-38, Ohio (Ohio); Western Michigan

2. New Mexico (0-6); Idle*; San Diego State

3. Western Kentucky (0-6); 30-35, Louisiana-Monroe; Louisiana-Lafayette

4. UNLV (1-6); 10-43, Colorado State; Idle

5. North Texas (1-6); 10-34, Florida International; Idle

6. Memphis (1-6); 19-41, Southern Ole Miss; Idle

7. New Mexico State (1-5); 10-33, Fresno State; Idaho

8. Bowling on the Green (1-6); 27-28, Temple; Kent State

9. Florida Atlantic (1-4); Idle; Arkansas State

10. Duke (1-5); 13-28, Miami (Fla.); Virginia Tech

11. (Tie) Florida and Penn State (winless in October); 13. Washington State (1-6); 14. Minnehaha (1-6); 15. Ball State (2-5); 16. Brigham Young (2-5); 17. Wyoming (2-5); 18. Arkansas State (2-5); 19. Studying overseas; 20. Detroit Lions (1-5).

*Though idle, dropped from No. 1 to No. 2 in rankings after completing one pass during a practice drill.

Others (in chronological order): Utah State (2-4).

Crummy game of the weak: Florida Atlantic (1-4) at Arkansas State (2-5).

Rout of the weak: Washington State (1-6) at Stanford (5-1).

Speaking of Akron, their finest, w/ our man Brandon on the skins. (Barely audible or visible.)