[You Ready Grandma]It might be illegal, but top employers from around the country, including Walmart, Amazon, Kroger, Home Depot, and FedEx have started asking interviewees the screening question: “Who won the 2020 election?”The corporate decision to ask such a question comes after companies realized that candidates who know how to properly process and understand reality make for much better employees.“Basic reasoning skills are inherently beneficial when working at Kroger stores,” CEO William Rodney McMullen stated. “The last thing we want is for the employees stocking our shelves to start building a wall of canned garbanzo beans while yelling at non-white customers to ‘go back to whatever aisle they came from, and to keep out of aisle 26!'”Several individuals have already filed lawsuits against many of these Fortune 500 companies, but judges have yet to rule in their favor; instead, out of pity, they’ve suggested that plaintiffs file an insanity plea to help them not have to pay the legal fees during their unemployment.
Monday, February 15, 2021
Stolen Satire
by
M. Bouffant
at
14:20
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