Oscar™ Fantasies From a Fascist

Andrew Klavan (not to be confused w/ "Klavern") demonstrates why the "Hollywood" creative community remains somewhat liberal:

"Oono." Hilarity ensues when a 16-year-old girl finds herself pregnant and gives the baby away to a similarly unmarried neurotic so that the infant grows up to become a drug-addicted loser and dies of an overdose at 23, whereupon the hilarity abruptly stops. What struck me about this film was that Hollywood filmmakers finally ended their attempts to sanitize and glamorize the irresponsible lifestyles that are destroying their own children before the paparazzi's very eyes.

The answer to this problem wouldn't be real sex (& contraception) education, as opposed to "abstinence only" education, would it? Don't hold your breath, though, 'cause telling young people about sex forces them to "do it."

"Look, I'm just a fat little man in a suit making movies, but these soldiers are out there risking their lives to fight some of the worst enemies this country has ever faced. What kind of people would we be if we made films attacking our soldiers and their mission?"

Yes, fighting those terrible enemies of America, the Sunnis & Shiites who've been waiting to get at each other since Saddam Hussein imposed his iron fist on them thirty odd yrs. ago. P. S.: Andy, it's an occupation now, not a war.

"All the Prosecutor's Men." Journalistic heroics based on a true story. Intrepid radio talk show host Sean Hannity fights for justice when the mainstream media attempt to railroad four innocent white students who've been falsely charged with the rape of a black woman.

The key words here are: "Intrepid radio talk show host Sean Hannity." One can't help but wonder what Mr. Hannity's reaction might have been were it colored guys accused of raping a white woman.

"The Hours and Hours and Hours." An apparently committed lesbian reveals her true yearning to become a wife and mother. She gets married, devotes herself to her husband and two kids and looks back at 80 to find she's lived a happy and fulfilling life. OK, this one was a bit slow for me, but I did enjoy the scene in which the heroine's executive sister returns from yet another business trip and declares, "I feel so empowered!" before bursting into hysterical sobs.

We really don't get this one. Is it part of the "dirty queers choose to be dirty queers, so it's alright to shoot them, or at least whack 'em around w/ a manly, firm baseball bat" narrative? Or is it "women are all hysterical witches?" Both? Or just nothing at all?

"Good Night, Uncle Joe." In the 1950s, a dogged congressional investigator hunts down a screenwriter who's been propagandizing and organizing in support of a Soviet regime that has murdered millions of people. In this groundbreaking work, Hollywood finally takes responsibility for the many filmmakers who gave propaganda and financial and organizational support to one of the most repressive and homicidal governments in history. The ad line, "Ideas Matter," says it all.

"Takes responsibility?" Wasn't the blacklist enough? Could we please have a list of all (any, is more like it) the Hollywood flicks that "gave propaganda and financial and organizational support to one of the most repressive and homicidal governments in history?" And people who give support to a gov't. that has killed or driven from their own country millions of people? A gov't., by the way, not located on the other side of the world, but right here in the U. S. of A., & supposedly responsive to the "grievances" of its own people? Should someone take responsibility for those people? If you've not heard of Mr. Klavern(sorry) Klavan before, he's one of those "That was despicable, let's look at it again" crime authors who doth protest the atrocities they delineate a bit too much. And his latest work? Let's look at his website, AndrewKlavan.com:

"One Missed Call" Has One Good Weekend Jan 7, 2008 The weekend opening of Warner Bros' new film "One Missed Call," "outpaced all expectations," according to the Hollywood trade paper Variety. Taking in an estimated 13.5 million dollars at 2,240 theaters, the film's 6-thousand plus per screen average beat that of every other picture but the surging indie "Juno." The Japanese horror remake, scripted by Andrew, "hit the sweet spot among younger females, the target demo for PG-13 horror titles," Variety said. This despite what Andrew himself called "brutally bad" reviews. Andrew responded to the film's reception with typical wry humor. "Clearly, if newspapers were written by 13-year-old girls, the reviews would've been sensational," he said. "Plus, the world would be a better place all around."

That's what "Hollywood" needs, more remakes of Japanese horror movies. Thanks for your contributions, you pathetic toad. P. S.: What happened to the eye patch you used to sport in the author photos on your book covers, Andy? We were looking forward to calling you a one-eyed freak. Turns out you're merely a garden-variety freak. UPDATE: See here for a correction & abject apology.