Crap Slate Would Have You Believe You Should Know Now

Whatever the source (It's all shit anyway, why differentiate?) these 12 items are semi-indicative of something (Oh, yeah, the zeitgeist.) & we're perfectly satisfied to copy & paste them w/o further comment. No, not the most ringing endorsement.

1. Political Veterans Poised to Win Tomorrow's Primaries
   It was supposed to be the year of anti-incumbent outrage, but in Arizona and Florida, long-time politicians - including Sen. John McCain - are beating upstarts, even the independently wealthy ones.
   Read original story in The Washington Post | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
2. U.S. Chamber of Commerce Will Be a "Virtual Third Party" In Mid-Terms
   The group plans to spend at least $75 million getting candidates who are "supportive of free enterprise" elected.
   Read original story in The Associated Press | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
3. Tiger and Elin Officially Divorced
   The ex-couple says their family's privacy is a "principal concern." TMZ says it has all the details on the divorce settlement.
   Read original story in TMZ | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
4. Anti-Islam Tensions Flare Over Mosque Controversy
   As anti-Islam sentiment crops up across the United States, analysts say that the backlash against the proposed Islamic community center has created "an absolute propaganda coup" for al-Qaida.
   Read original story in Wall Street Journal | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
5. A Home May Never Be a Good Investment Again
   Americans think "it's a law of nature" that real estate appreciates in value. It's not.
   Read original story in The New York Times | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
6. Philippine Hostage Situation Ends in Violence
   An 11-hour hostage situation came to a close on Monday after Philippine police charged a bus that had been hijacked by a former cop in downtown Manila. Six people--not including the gunman--have been reported dead.
   Read original story in CNN CNN | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
7. We Knew It Was Safe to Leave Iraq When the Porn Came Out
   A reporter for the Associated Press argues that the presence of porn on Baghdad's streets says a lot about the security situation in Iraq.
   Read original story in The Associated Press | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
8. "The Situation" Will Make $5 Million This Year
   It's not just the Jersey Shore contract - Mike Sorriento and his abs are raking in the cash with endorsement deals for Vitamin Water, Reebok, a clothing line, and a new vodka brand. Then there's the book deal.
   Read original story in The Hollywood Reporter | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
9. School-Supply Lists Grow As State Budgets Shrink
   Cash-starved schools are asking kids to supply their own classroom with everything from construction paper to toilet paper.
   Read original story in The New York Times | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
10. China's 60-Mile Traffic Jam Could Last a Month
    But right now, it's only in day nine.
    Read original story in Global Times | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
11. Colleges Work Harder Than Ever to Pry Parents Away from Students
    As helicopter parents give way to "velcro parents," universities have to get more explicit about when it's time to leave your 18-year-old alone.
    Read original story in The New York Times | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010
12. Justice Department Hiring Ebonics Experts
    If you're fluent in "Black English," there may be a job for you at the Drug Enforcement Agency.
    Read original story in The Smoking Gun | Monday, Aug. 23, 2010

Alright, one declaration, one question, about item 5. You people are soooo fucking dumb. How stupid can you be? What the hell's your problem? You're never going to wise up, are you? Ad nauseam.