Annals Of Home Schooling: "No More Phonies"

We suspected this little bastard was home-schooled. (Yes, we just insulted a 12-yr.-old, although his mother's the real villain of the piece. Bitch.)

Patrick and his mother have been involved in many Tea Party and 9/12 inspired rallies, and Patrick says he enjoys watching Glenn Beck nightly and listening to his radio program. He already has his own opinion about the way the country should be run. When I asked him about the America that he hopes to inherit or to help create, he answered, “I would want to help create an America with as small a government as possible, no deficit spending, no more debts, no more phonies, and more jobs for people.” It’s a tall order, but fortunately, Patrick is getting an early start in helping to make his dream America a reality.

Quite the pre-pubescent Holden Caulfield. What's mom going to do if Patriotic Patrick figures out who the (real) phonies are?

But our concern for Patriot Pat must not stop there. To be brutally honest, & to pick at the scabs of a child already scarred for life, it sounds as if our young Patriot's mother is turning him into a, a (This is a very difficult accusation. We're reallyalmost conflicted about picking on this sad case.) a homosexual. There! (No reference to PP's father in the quick skim we did. And we all know what that means: Skinny jeans!)

PP: We are hoping to do this again in the future. We are working on another coloring book about the Constitution. We are trying to make it easy to for kids to understand. I don’t know what I want to be yet. sorry. I thought I wanted to be a teacher at one time, but I also like video games and might want to help make them or test them. I like to cook too. I might want to be a chef one day and Mom says I am good at it. She says I have lots of time to decide.

Now Patrick, Mama's Little Man never has to leave home, or grow up, or learn about icky girls. You can just stay here & cook for Mama & draw her your nice little pictures & play your Left Behind game as long as you want, dear.

Hey, we conflated Holden Caulfield & Norman Bates! Just take our advice: Don't stop at the Patriot Motel on the old farm road.

To end on a positive note, & drag another obvious lit ref in, there's always a chance that "PP" will grow up. Oh, &, um, maybe write the 21st century version of A Confederacy of Dunces. A Dunce of Confederates, he could call it.