Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Humor In Uniform

See how long this lasts. Liked this one:
Miller said that officials were concerned that Tapout clothing “could give the enemy a big-picture idea of how many military personnel are in an area, where they go in their off time, and what kind of asinine garbage they spend on their money on. Basically, if I go to a movie theater and see a bunch of Tapout shirts, I know two things: one, there must be a base nearby, and two, with all these posers around, I’m probably the best fighter there, pound for pound.”

Miller said that a defense working group was sent to San Diego, CA, Fayetteville, NC, Jacksonville, NC, and San Antonio, TX to observe people in Tapout gear. The group went to shopping centers, bars, and Dave & Busters, and asked people wearing Tapout clothing whether they were in the military. The working group’s data indicates that 1% of the people interviewed were civilian mixed martial artists, 15% were local douchebags, and 84% were active duty military.

“84% is a big deal,” Miller said. “Even though this wasn’t a formal study, we can’t sit by and do nothing. Not too long ago, I went to a mall outside of Joint Base Lewis-McChord on a Friday night and thought I was in the middle of a UFC Fan Expo. And I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that not one of those guys could throw a switch kick, or counter a basic double leg, or maintain an appropriate range against a fighter with a reach advantage. Also, don’t forget the OPSEC.”

Many military personnel are not pleased. Specialist Frank Alvarado, who is assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division at Ft. Bragg, said, “This is bullshit. I wear Tapout because it’s an expression of who I am. I’m a soldier, but I also train UFC.”

Miller said that the working group will be sent out to identify other possible OPSEC concerns, such as skin-tight Under Armour workout shirts worn at bars and restaurants, high-and-tight haircuts, and civilian wives so overweight they make the passenger side of the couple’s Honda Civic dip when they get in.

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We had no idea. Worst we see in our zone is Ed Hardy.


mikey said...

I had no idea. Still boggled by the oddly shaped bulked-up cops with the giant arms and chests and little spindly legs. Those muthas freak me out every time...

Substance McGravitas said...

I have even less of an idea.

Weird Dave said...

I may look calm, but in my head I've killed you three times

M. Bouffant said...

Oddly Shaped Editor:
oddly shaped bulked-up cops
They have to be just like their enemies w/ the prison work-outs. When the "just-shaved-for-lice" haircut became popular among gangsters, the cops were on it w/in mos.