Pathetic Putzes Post Putrid Clichés

Beer & cigarettes good, wine & race-mixing bad, per Asshole A, via Asshole B. (Your personal rankings may differ.)

Same lame crap one drone or another comes up w/ for every World Series. A-hole Dan Shaughnessy sez:

And so we are done with cool and hip for a while. No more kayaks bobbing in McCovey Cove beyond the right-field wall at AT&T Park. No more panda heads looming hilariously behind the on-deck circle when Pablo Sandoval comes to the plate. No more Willie Mays riding on a golf cart like he’s Ted Williams or the Pope. No more flowers in the hair of granola-sprinkled fans. No more sweet smell of weed wafting from the crowd.

[...]

San Francisco is European. It’s where white people and black people mingle and nobody makes a big deal of it. It’s where folks are polite at a four-way stop. You go. No, you go. We are all Tony Bennett. We all left our heart there.

Fuck you. What tired bullshit, especially that Ku Klux Klan stuff. Die in a fire, already. Also: More deserving of a ride in a golf cart, Willie Mays or big-time asshole Ted Williams? And the Pope? The Chief Fucking Pervert? Let him walk too, so someone can take a well-deserved shot at him outside of his perv-protecting bubble. BANG!

D-list B-hole Matt Lewis types:

I don’t mind the beards, but the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy inadvertently does a good job summing up why every patriotic traditional conservative ought to be rooting for MoTown to make a comeback:

Detroit has real people who work hard for their money and cherish their jobs. Detroit loves hockey. Detroit loves to buy American. Detroiters like their boats and their beers. You do not ask to see the wine list in the bars around Comerica Park. Pabst Blue Ribbon, please. Tall boys.

I love the Tigers. Best uniforms in the sport. They have Al Kaline and Willie Horton sitting in the dugout before games. They have a 67-year-old manager who smokes Marlboro Reds in the dugout and wears cleats when he puts his feet up on his desk in his office.

[Detroit manager] Jim Leyland is from Perrysburg, Ohio. He reminds his players that they need to run out ground balls because a fan in the stands might be trying to feed a family of five and worrying about job security.

Inadvertently? No right-wing compensation axe to grind there, Danny boy? And what does that last sentence mean? Any connection to be made there, beyond "you hard-working stiffs better produce like hell for your bosses & take a pay cut or your job's going to China?" You know, "patriotic traditional conservative" values. Romney's values. Profit before people, & so on. (Who told them to breed like fucking animals until they had a large family they couldn't support on the shit wages their bosses begrudge them, anyway?)

Speaking of the evil that is Europe, Giant manager Bruce Bochy was born in France. The end will never be heard, even if his U.S. Army officer father soon returned to the United Snakes & Bochy was raised in Virginia & Florida.

Matt Lewis & The News (Not a sucky joke. That's what it says, right there at the Daily Dungpile.) wrapping it all up:

Come to think of it, unless you’re from the Bay Area, it’s really hard to imagine why anyone wouldn’t be rooting for the Tigers this year.

Bullshit. Real Americans root for the National League team (Unless the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or Oakland Athletics of Oaktown are competing. California rules, except fuck the Padres & the Catholic/Spanish imperialism crap they trade in.) because American League ball is sissy ball, w/ that designated hitter crap. Where's the "tradition" in that, pindicks?

We should note that wine never stains our lips, we're smoking a real cigarette (Not Marlboros w/ their fairy filters, Jim Leyland.) as this is typed, & know that "race" is racist bullshit. Note also that after threefour innings it's Giants 2, Tigers 0. Heh indeed, sad East Coast hacks.

Addenda (2222PDT 27 October 2012): LG&M also on the case; interesting rebuttals of certain Matt Lewis claims in the comments.