Saturday, August 8, 2009

High On Our Own Natural Juices

Crap on a crutch, is this reporter the last American not on six different medications? (We're supposed to be taking something which, allegedly, will give us the desire to do something beyond sit here & type — that's worked out well, hasn't it? — but we were so offended by the demand to pay some money to the crypto-fasci-socialist MediObamaCare program we aren't even using that. You've been warned. Again.)

The autopsy also found low concentrations of ethyl alcohol "consistent with social consumption of a few beverages" as well as the narcotic drugs hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol. Mays had prescriptions for the drugs -- which were found in therapeutic or subtherapeutic concentrations -- to ease hip pain.

In addition, the tests found evidence of two tranquilizers -- alprazolam (Xanax) and diazepam (Valium) -- which are commonly prescribed for a variety of ailments, including anxiety and insomnia. Both drugs were determined to be in therapeutic or subtherapeutic concentrations.

Of course, if you're that sedated, you may need to put a little "edge" back on.
"He further concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and therefore contributed to his death," it added.
Now that it's been determined how & why he's been dead for a month & a half, can we get this sorry drug-addled shitheel off America's telebisions?

4 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Get who off what telebisions?

You mean so we can have more Michael Jackson coverage?

Or how about some patented Len Downie coverage™?

Leonard Downie Jr.: Good question. Each story we publish is reviewed by several editors who check for accuracy and fairness, in addition to journalistic quality. We try to hire reporters and editors who do not bring biases with them and we require them to adhere to a strict code of ethics, which, among other things, prohibits all political activity except voting.

What does this mean?

Does it mean if one side says the earth is flat, and the other side says no, it's round, the WaPoo will treat each side as equally credible?

Not quite. It means if the corporate party is always lying, never acting in good faith, and every statement that comes out of their mouths is easily contradicted by something they said previously, you report it as the truth.

And then throw in some equivocation for the commie hippies just to show you cared.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Rashard Lewis got a positive drug test back and the headline I saw was STEROIDS HIT NBA.

Um, yeah.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Don't tell me our illicit substances editor has actually gone outside to commune with Nature™?

While there's breaking nooze?
~

M. Bouffant said...

"Who, Us?" Editor States Firmly:

Who, us? We're never up before noon. Ever. Not even to search for illicit substances, which turn out to be accidentally ingested: "Honest to gawd, Ossifer, I didn't what I was smoking, um, huffing, that is, uh ..."

Richard Lewis? The funnyman? Ah, no. That would be "Steroids Hit APA (American Psychiatric Assoc.)."

Those steroids have quite a punch, you know.