Thanks. For Nothing. Jerk.

Some revisionism from those Liberal Bibles, the Times(es?) of each coast. Don't choke on your turkey, Yanqui! From the L. A. Bible: Thanksgiving wasn't shit until Honest Abe made it a National Holiday.

During Reconstruction, many Southerners initially expressed reluctance at celebrating what they saw to be a Yankee holiday. And yet it was at this moment, as the recently rejoined United States struggled to reconcile its populace after a divisive Civil War, that it became useful to reinvent the history of Thanksgiving. Most Americans found it far more pleasant to imagine this American holiday as originating not during the traumas of the 1860s but rather during the more distant past of the early 1600s. To partisans of the Union and the Confederacy alike, the image of Pilgrims and Indians sitting down together to a shared meal offered a comforting vision of peace between potential rivals.

Yet this new image of Thanksgiving not only allowed Americans to gloss over the deep divisions that had led to the Civil War, it also overlooked much of the subsequent history of the Pilgrims' relations with their Indian neighbors. About 50 years after Massasoit and his fellow Wampanoags enjoyed their harvest meal at Plymouth, the Colonists' seizures of Wampanoag land would precipitate a vicious war between Plymouth Colony and the Wampanoags, now led by Massasoit's son, Metacom.

At least they waited a few yrs. before starting slaughter & enslavement. People of Gawd, huh?

The even more liberal (if possible) Times of the East notes it was Frenchies who came here (& they had the good sense to settle in Florida instead of Mass.) fleeing religious persecution in 1564.

With this, America’s first pilgrims disappeared from the pages of history. Casualties of Europe’s murderous religious wars, they fell victim to Anglophile historians who erased their existence as readily as they demoted the Spanish settlement of St. Augustine to second-class status behind the later English colonies in Jamestown and Plymouth. But the truth cannot be so easily buried. Although overlooked, a brutal first chapter had been written in the most untidy history of a “Christian nation.” And the sectarian violence and hatred that ended with the deaths of a few hundred Huguenots in 1565 would be replayed often in early America, the supposed haven for religious dissent, which in fact tolerated next to none.

So there, exceptionalists. This country is no big deal, in no way, shape or form founded by Jeezis or a Mormon, but has come as far as it has mostly by plain luck, unless your ancestors came over by land bridge rather than the Mayflower.