April Fool A Wk. Early?

You must be kidding me. (And yourself, schmuck.) From The Daily Beast:

This Man Can Save Us From Trump—and Clinton

No one can save this benighted nation from itself, cretinous dupe.

He’s retired Marine General James Mattis. He’s an extraordinary American. Yes, it’s a longshot. But he is exactly what we need.

Gettin' a little tingle up your leg there? Two words: Eisen. Hower.

Alright, more words:

So who better than retired Marine General James Mattis?

Mattis is a battle hardened warrior, renowned for his humble leadership style and aggressive pursuit of America’s enemies. Nicknamed the “Warrior Monk,” Mattis is something of a cult figure in the Marines. One such tale had the general relieving a young Marine captain of sentry duty on Christmas Day, taking up the post himself so the young officer could be with his family. He’s known for his excellence in both the arts of combat and diplomacy alike. Mattis led the First Marine Division in an aggressive thrust into the Euphrates River Valley in 2003, but also skillfully managed the kaleidoscope of conflicting diplomatic relationships as Commander of U.S. Central Command.

[...]

He neuters both party frontrunners’ perceived strengths. Trump’s faux-tough guy act would crumble when met with an actual warrior, and Hillary Clinton’s foreign policy chops would seem like an 100-level International Relations course next to Mattis’s experience and expertise.

No damn idea* who typist/apparent cult member John Noonan is (beyond another probably Irish loser) or what his agenda may be (Possible clue: "The presumptive Democratic nominee is a hair away from federal indictment." Keep dreaming, doofus.) but what the fuck-tuck-tucking hell?

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*John Noonan is former National Security Advisor to Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney. Hah! Absolutely correct about the loser part.