Consumer Round-Up

Conservatives are contemptible, aren't they? We suppose it's not really their fault; every time we turn around another study suggests they are psychologically, mentally & physically deficient,* from their tribalism & unquestioning worship of authority to the enlarged amygdalas that make them quiver in fear of virtually everything, especially the new & different, said fear being what makes them so fucking gullible.

The latest example of unthinking dumbfuckery that (again) has us ready to kill? "Name" brands. The brain-dead like 'em.

Newly published research provides a compelling answer: brand-name products. Conservatives gravitate toward them, and Walmart, unlike Trader Joe’s, is packed with them.

That provocative conclusion can be drawn from a study in the journal Psychological Science. A research team led by Vishal Singh of New York University’s Stern School of Business has discovered a relationship between voting behavior, high levels of religiosity, and “seemingly inconsequential product choices.”

They argue that your decision to vote for a certain candidate, and purchase a particular brand of detergent, springs from the same basic impulse:

You're a fucking cretin.

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*Yes, we're preparing a manifesto that will objectively demonstrate that conservatives are not nearly as advanced & developed as normal people, & that, as nature itself has made them incapable of benefiting from FEMA reëducation camps, another solution to the problem of these dangerous armed paranoids among us must be found. Any suggestions?