"The tattoos that most confound me are those I see on black basketball players. I’m afraid that whatever the designs and messages NBA stars are toting around on their arms and torsos are lost on me. Blue and purple simply don’t register on dark skin. They look like Rorschach ink blots, as if instead of having the work done by a tattoo artist, the work was jobbed out to Jackson Pollack wannabes, who had the athletes lie on the floor while they dripped paint on them."
Do tattoos on black people who don't play basketball confound you? Or is it that the only black folk you ever see are shooting hoops on the idiot box?
Monday, May, 28, 2007 7:29 PM
Clear thoughts on an important issue.
I've come to the conclusion that everybody thinks the same thoughts that I do on most issues, just that they don't think 'em clearly enough, would rather think something else, and so must be reminded of what they already know. On this issue, we think that:Men are allowed (no more than two) tattoos symbolic of nationality, family/heritage, or military service on either the upper shoulder or upper back. Anything else is perceived suspiciously as indication of jail time, former (or current) methamphetamine addiction, and/or a seedy secret life.Women are allowed zero tattoos. Any stray mark is perceived as graffiti. With a neighborhood, the property value depreciates proportionally with the amount of graffiti on the walls. Too much, and the neighborhood starts to take on a "rough" look; like a place a good person wouldn't want to raise a family, where a bad person might go looking for drugs or hookers. Similar with a woman.Other: any tattoo in the area below the navel extending around to the lower back and down to the upper thigh...symbolizes promiscuity. Here to help."