Obits

Like many people of advancing age, we check the obituaries first thing every morning, not for the usual reason of seeing whom to cross off the Xmas card (usually a depiction of an enraged naked man urinating on an Xmas tree, with the greeting "Life is short/Times are hard/Here's your fucking Christmas card!") list, but in hope that every one of you fucking stupid awful primates, w/ your ape games of dominance & submission & other bullshit social interaction, have finally died, leaving this poor planet in peace. In other words, fuck off & die, monkey scum!