Another One For The "Ha Ha Ha, Fuck You Chumps" File

Market turmoil has many afraid to check retirement savings

Retirement savings. Ha ha ha. First, you stupid jerks, 401(k)s & the like are not savings but investments. Were they savings, their worth wouldn't be a mystery. All you need check w/ savings is whether your interest posted.

These are probably the same people who've been screeching that Social Security is a scam. We'll see who's been scammed now.

“I hope like hell I don’t lose all my retirement savings,” he says. “But where else could you put the money that these people could not disorder? They can’t get into your mattress but that’s about it.”

Many experts warned U.S. stocks were overpriced and due for a correction even before President Donald Trump reclaimed the Oval Office. But a historic blanket of tariffs have injected new uncertainty into the market.

Suck overpriced stock, chumps. A different victim:

At his age, he says, there’s one goal: “Make sure I don’t run out of money before I die.”

Americans’ retirement savings totaled about $44 trillion at the end of 2024, according to the Investment Company Institute. The composition of those savings has shifted increasingly toward stocks in the last couple decades as the 401(k) has become employers’ typical offering.

Ha ha ha again. Some of them are so screwed it almost makes me smile. Almost.