Shrinking The Sun & Moon W/ The LHC

Niqnaq:

Presumably a Moon-imploding microhole slip-up by careless boffins at the LHC quite literally wouldn’t be the end of the world. The tides and so forth would carry on as normal, as the resulting pea-sized black hole in orbit around Earth, while unsatisfactory in terms of romantic moonlight trysts and so on, would have close to the original lunar mass. Having the Sun go out would be pretty serious, of course. Even so, it still seems unlikely that the prof is right and the LHC is actually a planet-busting blackhole implosion cannon.

...if his theories are correct the entire universe should be full of long-lived micro black holes spraying away from cosmic-ray collisions at different velocities. It would seem odd that none have yet managed to get captured by something we can see and implode it. We’d certainly know of any Moon- or planetary-mass black holes in our own solar system.

We suspect a gov't. cover-up.

So we’ll just have to give up on the prof’s colourful predictions, and settle instead for the far more authoritative theory, outlined by no less a boffin than Sergio Bertolucci of CERN itself, that the LHC will instead function as an interdimensional portal.

Great. The next dimension over will probably ship all their morons to this side, because we don't have enough all-fucking-ready.