Famous Last Words

Set design at its finest. Where's Dr. No?It's no secret; we at Just Another Blog (From L. A.)™ are the dictionary definition of nihilists. Tear it down & restart the whole ugly mess, we can't possibly do any worse than we have this time around, we bleat 24/7. We are therefore almost ecstatic about the prospect of the Large Hadron Collider bringing about the end of our benighted little planet, the entire solar system, the Milky Way & perhaps the entire universe, all fourteen (or whatever is being currently guessed) dimensions of it!! This is probably one of those George Carlin deals, we'll sadly admit (The late comedic & common sense great, Mr. Carlin, was always disappointed when death tolls in disasters, natural or anthropogenic, seldom met the early estimates spewed across the sensationalistic "mainstream, old" media.) but we can only follow Jesse Jackson by advising fellow nihilists to "keep hope alive." There are some who think it will be trouble.

Scientists say there's a chance that the LHC could create microscopic black holes, a phenomenon never before observed on Earth. They hasten to add that the tiny singularities will instantly pop out of existence, but that hasn't stopped critics from trying to block the collider's startup. Two of the critics have filed suit in federal court in Hawaii, seeking the suspension of LHC operations until more studies are done. Responding to the critics, CERN has issued a series of reports explaining why the LHC will pose no threat. Ellis was one of the report's authors. "If the LHC were to make microscopic black holes, it would be tremendously exciting — and no danger," he said.

Darn the luck. But there's always that chance that Mr. Science & his pals are wrong wrong wrong. And although the (European, need we add?) scientists are going to start whipping those particles around the LHC come Wednesday, it will be months before the particles are moving at virtually the speed of light, so we can't rationally expect not to wake up Thursday a. m. (Well, not because of a microscopic singularity anyway. There are many reasons not to awake Thurs. a. m., from cardiac death in one's sleep to just plain sleeping past noon.) Another "future holocaust" denier is heard from here. Now we notice that MSNBC (from whom we steal many of our story "inspirations," ha ha) is keeping the good stuff until tomorrow, when they promise us "doomsday scenarios." Can't wait.