Saturday, October 27, 2012

Pathetic Putzes Post Putrid Clichés

Beer & cigarettes good, wine & race-mixing bad, per Asshole A, via Asshole B. (Your personal rankings may differ.)

Same lame crap one drone or another comes up w/ for every World Series. A-hole Dan Shaughnessy sez:
And so we are done with cool and hip for a while. No more kayaks bobbing in McCovey Cove beyond the right-field wall at AT&T Park. No more panda heads looming hilariously behind the on-deck circle when Pablo Sandoval comes to the plate. No more Willie Mays riding on a golf cart like he’s Ted Williams or the Pope. No more flowers in the hair of granola-sprinkled fans. No more sweet smell of weed wafting from the crowd.

[...]

San Francisco is European. It’s where white people and black people mingle and nobody makes a big deal of it. It’s where folks are polite at a four-way stop. You go. No, you go. We are all Tony Bennett. We all left our heart there.
Fuck you. What tired bullshit, especially that Ku Klux Klan stuff. Die in a fire, already. Also: More deserving of a ride in a golf cart, Willie Mays or big-time asshole Ted Williams? And the Pope? The Chief Fucking Pervert? Let him walk too, so someone can take a well-deserved shot at him outside of his perv-protecting bubble. BANG!

D-list B-hole Matt Lewis types:
I don’t mind the beards, but the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy inadvertently does a good job summing up why every patriotic traditional conservative ought to be rooting for MoTown to make a comeback:
Detroit has real people who work hard for their money and cherish their jobs. Detroit loves hockey. Detroit loves to buy American. Detroiters like their boats and their beers. You do not ask to see the wine list in the bars around Comerica Park. Pabst Blue Ribbon, please. Tall boys.

I love the Tigers. Best uniforms in the sport. They have Al Kaline and Willie Horton sitting in the dugout before games. They have a 67-year-old manager who smokes Marlboro Reds in the dugout and wears cleats when he puts his feet up on his desk in his office.

[Detroit manager] Jim Leyland is from Perrysburg, Ohio. He reminds his players that they need to run out ground balls because a fan in the stands might be trying to feed a family of five and worrying about job security.
Inadvertently? No right-wing compensation axe to grind there, Danny boy? And what does that last sentence mean? Any connection to be made there, beyond "you hard-working stiffs better produce like hell for your bosses & take a pay cut or your job's going to China?" You know, "patriotic traditional conservative" values. Romney's values. Profit before people, & so on. (Who told them to breed like fucking animals until they had a large family they couldn't support on the shit wages their bosses begrudge them, anyway?)

Speaking of the evil that is Europe, Giant manager Bruce Bochy was born in France. The end will never be heard, even if his U.S. Army officer father soon returned to the United Snakes & Bochy was raised in Virginia & Florida.

Matt Lewis & The News (Not a sucky joke. That's what it says, right there at the Daily Dungpile.) wrapping it all up:
Come to think of it, unless you’re from the Bay Area, it’s really hard to imagine why anyone wouldn’t be rooting for the Tigers this year.
Bullshit. Real Americans root for the National League team (Unless the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or Oakland Athletics of Oaktown are competing. California rules, except fuck the Padres & the Catholic/Spanish imperialism crap they trade in.) because American League ball is sissy ball, w/ that designated hitter crap. Where's the "tradition" in that, pindicks?

We should note that wine never stains our lips, we're smoking a real cigarette (Not Marlboros w/ their fairy filters, Jim Leyland.) as this is typed, & know that "race" is racist bullshit. Note also that after threefour innings it's Giants 2, Tigers 0. Heh indeed, sad East Coast hacks.

Addenda (2222PDT 27 October 2012): LG&M also on the case; interesting rebuttals of certain Matt Lewis claims in the comments.

Countdown To Horror IV

Kill & Kill Again

Period not required after a title, Marin Independent Journal morons.
Blah blah blah.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Big Game Result

E.L.A. Classic: Garfield Bulldogs 7, Roosevelt Rough Riders 0.

Jerks In The Box

Several hundred words' worth w/ which you needn't arse yourself. Think those are penis noses by accident?

Lip Reading Round-Up

A gallery of book covers (89 of them.) about the you-know-who in the woodpileWhite House. A sample:
Most interesting/telling? Surprise, surprise, the only male authors shown on the covers of their tripe are well-known-to-the-cretin-population egomaniac television & radio host Sean Hannity, failed television host who still has a radio gig Michael "Savage," & egomaniac grifter/serial adulterer Newt Gingrich*. Of the female authors, bottle-blonds Laura Ingrahm, Monica Crowley & Ann Coulter, & one woman who isn't a bottle blond, Deneen Borelli, appear on the covers of their screeds. Oddly, female typist Phyllis Schlafly is not pictured on the front of her book. Nor is Pamela Geller, who may have realized she's a bit past her sell-by date.
*Newt, as all of America knows, is the smartest guy in the room, yet not a malignant narcissist. Compare & contrast w/ Obama, whose "sense of intellectual self-importance, that he is smarter than anybody else in the room, is now only believed by himself and a shrinking number of media acolytes." (Quote from Nobama, on the left, second row from the bottom.) Funny how that works, innit?

Huntin' & Fishin' News

And dumb as a post. Jesus sure loved his Mossberg, didn't he?

Countdown To Horror III

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Idle & Juvenile Speculation

Just us, or does the bottle-blond woman playing Jack's cousin-in-law in this advert bear more than a passing resemblance to a certain Mrs. Willard Mitt Romney?And just for the hell of it, a couple we haven't seen on the telly. Apparently Jack figures it's worthwhile to mock Philadelphians.We're inclined to agree. Of course Jack in the Pants is based in San Di-fucking-ego, so they should talk.Not the first time they've tried it, either. Two yrs. ago, same shit, different bread: Americans have no memory, do they?

Credit, as due.

Follow Up-Date Correction

Or something, sort of. We guess.

Some top-o'-the-worlders (Lonely up there, innit?) doing in-depth (Internet) research bring to our attention that this item may be bull.

What. Ever.

Countdown To Horror II

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Countdown To Horror I

Michelle Malkin's Fashion Report

Well-dressed & entirely rational, not in the least bit absurdly paranoid conservative cheerleader Michelle Malkin has the scoop: It's a fashionista conspiracy!
Talk about wearing your politics on your sleeve. An elitist clique of fashion designers has banded together to raise money for celebrity-in-chief Barack Obama and browbeat their customers into supporting him. Even worse, the Beautiful People who dress the Powerful People are putting increased pressure on conservatives to stay out of the business altogether.

Out: Haute couture. In: Hate couture.
We're much too lazy to do a 180° treatment of that paragraph (Substituting "armament industry" for fashion designers, Romney for Obama, lib for con, yada.) but certainly you can imagine.

You can also imagine the incredible "pressure" being applied:
Diane von Furstenberg pitched in two $85 tote bags and has grown more strident about her partisan agenda as Election Day nears. At a fashion event in her New York Meatpacking District store last month, she yelled at clients: "Everyone here better be a Democrat; no Republicans!"
Wow. Not sure pressure is a strong enough word. Fortunately Malkin found someone (Pro-Romney because he doesn't like to pay taxes or a living wage to women indentured in his sweatshops? Who knows?) to reveal that it's not mere pressure but a threat! And to do a 180 that reveals where the true attacks on women come from.
Young New York City designer Bradley Scott also spoke up against ideological "persecution" in his industry. "It's really offensive for me, as a designer, to be issued an unveiled threat by someone who could exert an enormous amount of influence over my customers, store buyers and magazine editors," he told me on Tuesday. "I for one want absolutely nothing to do with this attack on women. This pressure upon designers should offend every woman in this country, not just the conservatives."
As far as we can determine the real conspiracy here was making Ann Romney appear as if she's a blind woman who lets a six-yr. old Disney Princess fan choose her clothes.
Richard Perry/The New York Times
Mitt Romney and his wife, Ann, left, made cherry pies with Linda Hundt,
the owner of Sweetie-licious Bakery Cafe in DeWitt, Mich.,
during a campaign stop in June.
See how far up Mitt Romney's ass the stick goes at the photo source.

Not Caring ...

... About: trailers for Iron Man 3 or The Hobbit ... pointless elections ... anyone getting divorced, ever ... narrative ... your (or anyone's) pathetic "feelings" ... your sad-assed "laws" ... TPMPrime, whatever in hell that is ... the NHL(?) lockout ... food ... drink ... Facebook ... Iran getting nuclear weapons ... recommendations from Amazon ... morons, cretins, dupes & dopes ... reading, 'riting & 'rithmetic ... veterans & the currently serving (you made your bed now go lie in it) ... gas prices ... underwear ... the living &/or the dead (It's so hard to tell w/ most of them.) ... cardboard ... Lance fucking Armstrong ... murder convictions ... good taste ... jobs ... newspaper endorsements ... Windows 8 ... weekends ... Israel ... you, everybody like you, & the horses you all rode in on ... Arianna Huffington's new hip ... breathing ... video games ... staying awake ... sleeping ... "home"-owners & their fucking problems ... climate change ... analysis (political & psychiatric) ... the center ... the base ... mobile 'phone contracts ... momentum (remember "traction?") ... anything ... bath salts ... cleanliness ... holidays ... bodies in the streets ... red ink ... black ink ... invisible ink ... Ohio ... declining Hulu viewership ... Syria ... everything ...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Unidentified Drifting Object

Here is a thing which was in the sky as we shot (But not w/ bullets, damnit!) those fucks below.
300, 400 ft. up, maybe. No fucking idea what it is. Advertising crap that got loose?

The Almost Tragedy (For Them)
Of The Commons

Walking through Pan-Pacific Park today we were asked not to walk on a very public path by students (we'll guess) shooting some shit. Making demands (ridiculous or otherwise) of us is never a good idea, as we are in a state of rage 24/7 (To the point of grinding our remaining teeth as we sleep, we so want to lash out!) but even though we hadn't yet breakfasted, making us even crankier than usual, we complied & wandered a different path, to the hill above where these twerps were shooting. Looking down on them (in every sense of the phrase) we had the inspiration that a shot or two of them could be slightly more interesting than the other crap we'd already shot, so we took a picture.
Then this little fuckface, a future 3nd AD/extra wrangler (if he's lucky & sucks enough dick to get into show biz) waved at us to stop taking pictures of them.
Hah! We advised him to go to hell & flipped him off. When he got closer we said "Fuck you," inquired if he had a permit to be shooting (Why else would he care that we we were taking pictures?) & telling people where the hell they could & couldn't walk, & asked him to consider the hypocrisy of attempting to violate our right to photograph in a public place even as he was fucking doing it. Should've switched to video & recorded it all, but sometimes rage just consumes one.

Being outnumbered & not desiring our head to explode what w/ our high blood pressure (Is it any damn wonder we're constantly on the verge of exploding like a supernova when scum like this wander the streets unimpeded?) we quit the verbal abuse & decided against pushing him & the two other student jerks who came after him down the fucking hill, & eventually wandered away, after a couple more "Fuck yous" & fingers. They have no idea how close they came to feeling the malignant wrath of Bouffant.

Tater Truck

Learn more.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Faces Of Evil

Photo: Mitt Romney relaxes with family backstage before debate - via @dgjackson

What kind of bizarre freaks have pictures of themselves put on the walls backstage before a Presidential debate?

Not to mention the excess of grandchildren. These entitled Mormon fucks should stop spawning little resource consumers who will take much more than their share of everything & ruin the planet for the rest of us. Wait'll you get your own planet & car elevator beyond the grave, you fucking jerks.

Random Threats

If we hear Alicia Keyes screeching (Shrieking?) "This girl's on fi-yah!" in that fucking ShittyBank commercial w/ the guy who was dumped for being boring one more time, she will be on literal fire.

Literally.

Foiled Again

We were gong to note how appropriate it is to have the third & final Sacks of Presidential Shit debate in Florida's Boca Raton, as we were laboring under the impression that Boca Raton translates as Mouse/Rat Mouth, but the usual cursory search reveals that's not the actual origin of the name, so fuck it.

We'll be watching the beisbol game anyway, because we are a real American.

Speaking of coverage of the national pastime, sideline/dugout/whatever reporter Erin Andrews, isn't FOX Sports paying you enough that you could hire a voice coach? Jesus fucking goddam Christ, you sound like a 'tween being strangled. Of course FOX Sports hired you w/o insisting that you learn how to speak as if you'd actually finished puberty, so they're as much to blame. Just as w/ FOX News, apparently all it takes is a bottle of hair color.

50 Yrs. Pass Again

Note date on headlines:

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Only In These United Snakes

Or should that be United Skunks?
FREEDOM, Pa. (AP) — Police say a costumed 9-year-old girl was accidentally shot outside a western Pennsylvania home during a Halloween party by a relative who thought she was a skunk.

New Sewickley Township police say the girl was over a hillside and wearing a black costume and a black hat with a white tassel. Chief Ronald Leindecker says a male relative mistook her for a skunk and fired a shotgun, hitting her in the shoulder Saturday night.

Leindecker tells the Beaver County Times that the girl was alert and talking when she was flown to a hospital in Pittsburgh, about 30 miles away. Her condition was unavailable.

Leindecker says the man hadn't been drinking and he doesn't know whether charges will be filed.

Song Of The Wk.

Hallowe'en Humors

John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Missouri