Friday, August 24, 2012

Pukey Pizza Cheap

If you want crummy anti-abortion pizza at 50% off, this is the wknd.
Presented as a public service for those not on the MLB.com sucker list, although the real public service would be bankrupting Papa John's.

58-Yr. Old Man Gets Sane,
Kills Asshole Who Ruined His Life

Then NYPD cops shot another nine people, apparently just to watch them die, Johnny Cash-style. We don't give one fucking shit about anybody anywhere anymore, but were somewhat relieved to discover that we weren't the 58-yr. in question. It could happen 'though, so don't think you're safe if you've ever fucked w/ us. We have a list, & it's a long one. (Now that our parents are dead, the one & two spots on the list are open. We guess if we're doing it chronologically, there are some teachers who need to be dead, if they haven't already been brought to justice by a vengeful gawd. Might be easier to look for certain employers, supervisors, managers & bosses who may still be alive. Not for long, however. When's the next gun show?)

Do not make the mistake of thinking these are empty threats. They are promises.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Cattle Are Coming!

Things are tough all over, as cattle come down from the hills looking for lawn, & find it at an apartment complex.
“They were there for the grass,” said Diestel, a 10-year sheriff’s veteran assigned to the Malibu/Lost Hills station. “They went from green belt to green belt. The canyon is just so dry.”

The animals had made their first appearance the night before. Deputies, aided by county animal control workers and an apartment-dweller with a couple of herding dogs, thought they had successfully shooed the herd back up Browns Canyon.

{...]

Suddenly, though, help appeared in the form of a woman who said she was the neighbor of the rancher whose cattle had wandered off.

The woman, armed with what Diestel described as an “Indiana Jones”-style bull whip, was able to persuade the cattle to git along.

“She drove them the rest of the way,” he said. “It was funny as heck.”

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Fungal Fun

More or less actual color.

Fuck The North Too

Looks as if it'd be easier just to cut the Left Coast off from not merely the South (immediately below) but the entire continent; people are as fucking stupid/ignorant/nonsensical/post-modern above the Mason-Dixon line as well:
In a separate experiment, Nancy Niedzielski, an associate professor of linguistics at Rice University, told 50 NCS speakers that she was going to play a recording of a speaker from Michigan saying the word B-A-G, which she spelled out for them. She then asked the test subjects to identify whether the signal they heard sounded like byag (the NCS pronunciation), bag (the “standard” pronunciation), or baahg (a vaguely British pronunciation). Not one of the 50 subjects said that they heard the NCS pronunciation. “There’s just an incredible deafness to the local pronunciation,” Preston says—adding that the reason, in his opinion, is clear. “They believe that they are standard, normal, ordinary speakers, and when they’re confronted with evidence to the contrary, they reject it. They reject it in their daily lives, and they reject it even experimentally. They don’t even understand themselves.”
Maybe we should replace the slash-string of adjectives up there w/ "self-deluding," but we'll have our cake & eat it too, thank you.

Canada Holds The Line

(This part of The North may be exempted from the inflammatory headline.)
And the NCS dialect is, it appears, becoming more ordinary. Forecasting the likely growth of a dialect is tricky, but the NCS dialect appears to have spread in recent decades. Only in the United States, though: While dialect boundaries tend to blur at the edges and pay no heed to political borders, “the starkest dialect boundaries in North America are the boundaries between Detroit and Windsor and the boundaries between Buffalo” and Canada, according to Aaron Dinkin, an assistant professor of sociolinguistics at Swarthmore College. George Mason University maintains a database of native English speakers from across the globe reading the same paragraph. It includes samples of a woman from Detroit and a man from Windsor that highlight the stark contrasts in their dialects. Her classic NCS pronunciations of the short a and short o vowels belie the fact that her hometown is separated from his hometown and radically different Canadian dialect pronunciations by nothing more than a 7,500-foot bridge. Geographically, these people might as well live in the same city. Linguistically, they inhabit different worlds.
Prior coverage of shifty vowels.

FTS

Saw it off & let it go, if the oceans don't drown most of the crackers. No apparent link to further info from The NYT, so here. Author chats.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Stylish Action Jump

That mean woman at The Exiled:
Well, I will give him this: he died interestingly. Very few famous people kill themselves deliberately and unequivocally, in such a way that it can’t be argued they took an accidental overdose of their drug of choice or something like that.

[...]

But I can’t think of a single one who ever did it by jumping off a bridge into deep water.

[...]

Jumping off a bridge is pretty bold. And he didn’t hesitate, either, according to witness reports—just up and over.
We suppose we should type TONY SCOTT here so Internet fuckheads can drop by & whine about what a jerk we are.

Hydrodynamics

Disadvantages of living in a bunker under a lake: The lake wants to get in.

Humor In Uniform

See how long this lasts. Liked this one:
Miller said that officials were concerned that Tapout clothing “could give the enemy a big-picture idea of how many military personnel are in an area, where they go in their off time, and what kind of asinine garbage they spend on their money on. Basically, if I go to a movie theater and see a bunch of Tapout shirts, I know two things: one, there must be a base nearby, and two, with all these posers around, I’m probably the best fighter there, pound for pound.”

Miller said that a defense working group was sent to San Diego, CA, Fayetteville, NC, Jacksonville, NC, and San Antonio, TX to observe people in Tapout gear. The group went to shopping centers, bars, and Dave & Busters, and asked people wearing Tapout clothing whether they were in the military. The working group’s data indicates that 1% of the people interviewed were civilian mixed martial artists, 15% were local douchebags, and 84% were active duty military.

“84% is a big deal,” Miller said. “Even though this wasn’t a formal study, we can’t sit by and do nothing. Not too long ago, I went to a mall outside of Joint Base Lewis-McChord on a Friday night and thought I was in the middle of a UFC Fan Expo. And I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that not one of those guys could throw a switch kick, or counter a basic double leg, or maintain an appropriate range against a fighter with a reach advantage. Also, don’t forget the OPSEC.”

Many military personnel are not pleased. Specialist Frank Alvarado, who is assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division at Ft. Bragg, said, “This is bullshit. I wear Tapout because it’s an expression of who I am. I’m a soldier, but I also train UFC.”

Miller said that the working group will be sent out to identify other possible OPSEC concerns, such as skin-tight Under Armour workout shirts worn at bars and restaurants, high-and-tight haircuts, and civilian wives so overweight they make the passenger side of the couple’s Honda Civic dip when they get in.

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We had no idea. Worst we see in our zone is Ed Hardy.

Not A Hateful Personal Attack

From Forbes, Henry Miller requests that Vice-President Biden undergo a check-up from the neck-up. Nothing wrong w/ that, right?
Biden should submit to a thorough neurological and psychiatric examination, with special attention to whether he is experiencing “transient ischemic attacks” – marked by impaired blood flow to the brain – small strokes, seizures, or suffers from a brain tumor.  After all, we often demand to know whether a candidate has recovered from open-heart surgery, cancer or a stroke, and many states require elderly drivers to be re-licensed.

Aren’t the vice-president’s highest-level security clearance and his influence on public policy as important as the ability to drive a car?

An exam by an expert offers an assessment of cognitive abilities, memory and quality of thought processes.  It includes assessments of alertness; speech; behavior; awareness of environment; mood; affect; rationality of thought processes; appropriateness of thought content (presence of delusions, hallucinations, or phobias); memory; ability to perform simple calculations; judgement (“If you found a letter on the ground in front of a mailbox, what would you do with it?”); and abstract reasoning.

Don’t voters have a right to know whether Biden is ill or merely unlikeable, impulsive and prone to deceitfulness?

Henry I. Miller, a physician, is the Robert Wesson Fellow in Scientific Philosophy and Public Policy at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution.
It would indeed be irresponsible not to speculate ad nauseum about whether he's a jerk or a crazy jerk. And sure, once we're finished w/ physician Miller, why not talk to Biden?

Monday, August 20, 2012

The Total Romney Package

Because even the host of Goofball is right once in a while.

Bringing The War Back Home

Channel surfing, & on HLN (formerly CNN's Headline News Network, currently the home of America's Scold™ Nancy Grace) Jane Velez-Mitchell is leading a panel of rape victims discussing Rep. Rep. Akin's absurd statement on rape & conception.

Now all the real Americans too busy keeping up w/ Kardashians & missing white girls to know anything about politics are getting a good look at the misogyny of the religious right. Thanks, Todd, you stupid jerk.

Andrew Sullivan Stupid

Really, Andy? Still don't know the diff between selling shit & riding your bicycle?

USS Iowa Fantail

In the left background may be seen the Vincent Thomas Bridge whence jumped Hollywood film director Tony Scott.
No nylon hawsers in our day.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

From Mr. Fish

Too close to home, besides the gay Boy Scout stuff. Not that there's anything ...

Song Of This Wk.

Same lazy crap, 24/7.We need to hear last wk.'s song again.Do we earn points for consistency?

Idiotic Business Model

Small business: To mangle a metaphor, it's the backbone of the economic engine that makes America run. (Look at Chick-fil-A.)

So what are we to think of another Bob's Big Boy closing?
This particular Bob's has only been open for six years, but it's on the site of a Bob's Big Boy that operated from 1969 to 1995.
It was decided 11 yrs. later to reopen at the same failed location? Innovation: Making America great.

Roach Coach Re-Cap

Try To Understand

Deputy Dimbulb still unclear on the concept:
“Everybody is still trying to understand what happened,” Sgt. Matt Stringer of the St. Clair County Sheriffs Department said today.
Clear to us. (Oxygen, fuel, heat.) Maybe the deputy should have asked the reporter.
Someone poured a large amount of gasoline on the wood and her brother, Christopher Blewett, 27, invited her to light it.

The resulting explosion killed them both and injured four others, three of whom were hospitalized.
Exceptional American excessivism. Pour it on, losers! More!