Saturday, April 28, 2012

Cupcakes On The Move

Upcoming Personal Appearance

We don't like to give our fans much notice as to where we may be too long in advance (for various reasons we won't get into right now) but today you might see us here. The truly lazy, or those keeping their carbon footprint low, may watch from home. (If you do see us, don't fucking bother us: We don't give autographs. Thank you.)

Friday, April 27, 2012

Nihilist's Corner

Cut world population and redistribute resources, expert urges

Nuclear disaster or plague likely unless population shrinks and natural resources are reassigned to poor, says Prof Paul Ehrlich
Read & weep. Once you've recovered your strength, kill yourself before it's too late.

These Are Our Neighbors

More imagery.

History Lesson

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Sick Fun

Exploding Head Syndrome: Do you have it? We do! How cool is that? It's not, as some might think, the result of cognitive dissonance, but, as w/ so many syndromes, it's all in the mind, baby:

Exploding head syndrome (a.k.a. — oh, that’s the actual name?)

Well, no, I won’t suggest it. That was just a cheap literary ploy since EHS has nothing to do with Devil’s grip — or physical afflictions of any kind, for that matter. In fact, out of all the diseases on this list, it’s probably the one you’d be most likely to volunteer to contract just to be able to say you had it. According to the American Sleep Association, “Exploding head syndrome is a rare and relatively undocumented parasomnia event in which the subject experiences a loud bang in their head similar to a bomb exploding, a gun going off, a clash of cymbals or any other form of loud, indecipherable noise that seems to originate from inside the head.” Fortunately, despite having perhaps the most violent name in medicine, “exploding head syndrome is not dangerous” and “has no elements of pain, swelling or any other physical trait associated with it.”
Really. Happens rarely, & only when we are drifting off to sleep (Which is why we seldom remember that it's happened, & therefore haven't been agonizing over it or caring much.) but we remembered/recognized it when we read about it.

Besides all the crap in our mind, can you guess the physiological syndrome we have that affects 18%-35% of the species? We bet you can't. We'll place an even larger bet on your not giving a flying fuck.

Frozen Food Heir Unfrosted

At Salon, a look at Tucker Carlson, which claims he used to be good. Not bloody likely, we say, although it's possible that when Tuck moved from typing to editing/publishing/whatever-it-is-he-does he passed his level of competency, Peter Principle-style.

But ...
There were warning signs, of course. Like every other raging asshole who goes into journalism, Carlson idolized Hunter Thompson (that piece has the classic “I did a lot of really cool drugs once and it was no biggie” anecdote beloved of sad “rebel” libertarian poseurs). He repeated the same stale stereotypes masquerading as clever observations (NPR listeners driving Volvos turn up with some frequency in his writing going back to the 1990s). But what really destroyed Tucker Carlson, respected magazine journalist, was TV. TV exposed him as glib, smug and not nearly as clever as he thought he was. (Maybe it exposed how well edited he’d been for so many years.)
Oh, our theory somewhat confirmed.

Plenty on what a fishwrapper The DC is, of course.

Now, you are saved from reading to the last sentence; some theories about America's aristocracy of merit may be confirmed as well:
And the fact that his full name is Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson, and that his brother’s name is Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson.

GRAVE № 6
APPROX. 800
26th APRIL, 1945

While finding the re-run posted one item below in the redesigned YouTube, we were doubly surprised to come across another & more recent ('though not by much) video. We were most surprised it was "private" (Us? Self-censoring?) but we can see why. Surprise #2 was the date in one of the shots. This date in history & all.

Not necessarily Un-SFW. If it's acceptable to show the naked corpses of emaciated Jews, &c., being heaved into piles on the tube, how can your boss bitch about it? Nonetheless:
WARNING: Documentary footage of dead, naked bodies being thrown around.
A (very) rough cut of crap found on the telly, for something we never wrapped up.

It's All About Us!

Not you, or anybody else.

(Or, we could pretend we were adding our 2¢ worth to this item from No More Mister Nice Blog concerning the dignity exhibited by Ronald Reagan during his crime-plagued presidency.) And you may blame Mr. M. there for this opus again; he ran this picture
Well. The wide shot reveals Her Majesty
pimpin' a Mr. T. what, doll?
which set us off (see it move at 1:55):

Maybe Next Time

Needed: Bigger & faster meteors, because the current crop are not cutting it. Stop teasing us w/ the near misses!
An image provided by NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory
shows a meteor over Reno, Nevada on April 22, 2012.

Lisa Warren/NASA-JPL via AP
In fairness, this sumbitch was quite close to us on a global scale. So why couldn't it have hit something?

Keeping The Hepness Quotient Up

W/ more obscure music from colored people.

World Of Lies

Digging the new design at SlateSalon (12 hrs. later: Admit it; no one noticed, & few can tell the difference.)? (You do know who else that red, white & black color scheme worked out well for, don't you?) We saw something there we were going to analyze in depth (No we weren't. We maybe were going to skim it.) but what's the fucking point (of anything, ever, really) especially of political discourse, once you're grasped the unchanging truth of the very first paragraph:
The rulebook for conservative punditry is straightforward. Push for a policy. When it turns into a disaster, defend it. When the defense becomes untenable, ignore it. Finally, when something unrelated but positive occurs, take credit for it.
Good for you if, after that, you still give a flying fuck about the specific bullshit referred to in the item. If you do, you're a better citizen then we are. And a masochistic moron.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Remaking

Polished & buffed:

Naked & Exposed

Did you know? We live in a "globally exposed economy." (Exposed like being staked to an anthill in the desert sun.) Well, we do, love it or shove it. Some Limey git informs us:
These risks post a serious threat to growth, through price shocks and inflation. Their political consequences could be more serious still, with some tempted to see a zero sum competition for resources between consumers and between nations. That would be an historic mistake, triggering a spiral away from the cooperation based on agreed rules that is vital for a globally exposed economy like our own, towards a much more dangerous world of fragmentation, competition and greatly enhanced risks of conflict.
Previously (In the same quote, yet.):
...We have left behind an era in which energy, food, water, and other resources have been relatively cheap and plentiful. Rising demand is carrying us into an age of higher and more volatile prices for energy, food and raw materials.
How in hell could anyone vaguely aware of humanity & its sordid history think this facade of "cooperation based on agreed rules that is vital for a globally exposed economy" (Here we are figuratively bent over double laughing or vomiting; hard to tell which.) would continue after necessities become, if not actually scarcer, more expensive? Especially as it is the agreed rules (We've no memory of agreeing to any such rules, by the way.) that allow & encourage rampant speculation, rent-seeking & all the other terminally boring & said-so-many times already (No, the species never learns.) yada/greed that leads to environmental conditions detrimental to human (Mammalian, even?) survival.

Plus: The guy who pulled the quote believes it would be swell if only Republicans could "tell it like it is."
Imagine if we lived in a world where a US Republican Secretary of State could take to the op-ed pages, as UK Foreign Minister and conservative William Hague just has, to tell it like it is.
Where "Telling it like it is" = "Business & profit as usual/Preserve the status quo."

Uh-oh. Played right into their hands. Keeping the younger among us from boiling to death in their own puddles of waste is just a plot to destroy capitalism & its "rules," & to make everyone live in mud huts, because who doesn't like camping, we guess.

The Big Showdown

A favorite from the misty past recently located in the wilds of YouTube.One case where competition may be better than coöperation.

Private Shopping W/ Ann R. Money

From the Society Editor, what Mme. Romney was up to a wk. ago Saturday:
Yes, that was First Lady hopeful Ann Romney on Worth Avenue Saturday, looking very Palm Beach-y in her hot pink tunic and jeans with her shoulder-length blond hair. The only thing missing was the Helga Wagner necklace.

Mitt’s missus spent four hours with Alfred Fiandaca, her old pal from Boston who closed the store for her so she could shop in peace without any worries about paparazzi grabbing a shot of her in the fitting room. Trying on a little something to wear to tonight’s big dinner at Darlene and Jerry Jordan’s house, perhaps? When they’re paying 50k a couple, a lady wants to look good.

The private shopping went well for the wife of the presumptive candidate — c’mon, like that’s not a given by now — but for the customers who had “Stop by Alfred’s” at the top of their Saturday to-do list, well, not so much. They had to wait. Some did, patiently and quietly. Others did, not so patiently and not so quietly.

Finally, Ann strolled out, shopping bags in hand, smiled at the small crowd gathered on the sidewalk, climbed into the big black car waiting at the curb, and drove off.
This may shock some, but we don't believe that people who already live as if they are under Secret Service protection should be elected to political office.

And we know that the Mormons' "Heavenly Father" is a money-grubbing pig-god (It's the All-American religion, you know.) so He wouldn't disapprove of meaningless, empty consumption.

Shirley Story

This is an excuse to relate an honest-to-gawd Hollywood celebrity experience. (W/ which we may have bored the Internets limp at World O' Crap once. Whatever; plenty of Googlewidth to fill here too.)

In the mid-70s, when not consumed w/ Bicentennial Fever, we worked for an outfit that videotaped bands & other show biz lice for various non-broadcast purposes. One gig was shooting a reference tape of a dance bit Ms. MacLaine was doing for a telebision special. This being the mid-'70s, laser beams would be added later so it would look as if she were dancing w/ them or vice versa, & the laser artists (Tee hee.) needed to see what the hell she'd be doing. Grueling work, pointing a camera at a stage & pushing RECORD, but we digress. (Didn't pay shit, either.) After all the hoopla, our employer was on the (Get this, kids, showbiz w/o mobiles!) pay 'phone in the hall, & the phrase "10%" escaped his lips as La Shirley walked by. Perfectly timed, she advised him "10%? If that's an agent, tell him to go fuck himself," & kept on going.

You Lost Us At "After"

Stop us if you've heard this before. (You've probably heard it not merely before but again & again & again & again & again & again. And again. We know we have.) Michael ("Droopy Mustache of Misapprehension") Medved in The Daily Bleat.
After more than 20 years of dominating the national political scene, the narcissistic children of the ‘60s are finally preparing to amble toward retirement, leaving the nation’s highest office to leaders from less polarized and self-righteous* generations. Ironically, the boomers’ last hurrah in the presidential arena will almost certainly come from a starchy straight arrow utterly untouched by weed or Woodstock, rock ‘n’ roll or rebellion.
The "Mitt" device has located a power source & is about to plug in.
If Romney is the last of these narcissistic dinosaurs our long national nightmare of hearing shitheads tell us what shits we are may be over, at least until Vice-President Ryan, in order to preserve the profits of the military-industrial-Congressional complex, has to trim some of the fat (Like hippies deserve welfare in the first place!) from the Social Security & Medicare entitlements the old draft-dodging Woodstock narcissists are leeching from the producer class.
*You can Google it: Medved's picture is in the definition of self-righteous in any dictionary.

Two Dead Guys Enjoying Themselves

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Horses, Horses, Horses, Horses

Today In Newspeak

Holy Crap, Not Community Organizing!

Oh no he hasn't! How dare he?
President Obama's election campaign is recruiting an army of determined community organizers to walk the streets of the nation's cities this summer and autumn in the footsteps of a young Chicago community organizer named Barack Obama.

Recruits would gather other volunteers, register new voters, run phone banks and campaign events and knock on millions of doors to track voters' preferences and encourage supporters of the president's reelection.
We suppose Andrew Malcolm's next exclusive scoop will involve the Obama campaign planning to run advertisements on television later this yr. And keep it under your hat, but it's even been rumored the Prez will, of all things, be addressing the Democratic Convention. Shocking, innit?

DEMON RATS!!!

Just how old is Dana Loesch, anyway?We ask because the graphic above, to which she has proudly affixed her name, displays a maturity (& civility) far beyond anyone claiming to have been born as recently as 1978.

Also amusing are videos from Breitbart's crummy sites that don't re-size when we re-size them. But you get the idea. See it all here. ++lame, sure, but what can you expect from a rotting corpse & those who, denied the sweet release of death, continue to worship the corpse?

Riots + 20

Video courtesy of ³²®©. YouTube comment courtesy of an inane drone.
This was the best show, as well as emergency ofcourse. Southern california has changed very much since these days. You NEVER ran from a cop when that red light went on, NEVER!!! reason being the word was when they catched you, you got a good beating, and your dad would just say, "well why did you run stupid? Mommys run the households now here in So Cal, so all we have are a bunch of spoiled kids who smart mouth the P.D. and the cameras ruin law enforcement.
R.I.P. Jack Webb.
barmtrail

Whole Lotta Clicking

Over a million a month. No shit?
We'd expect our clicker finger to be better muscled.

Terpsichorean Corner

If it's Tuesday (It's Tuesday already?) it's time to twist. Today, we go Greek-style.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Sex In Iran: Girls Are Scary!

From Foreign Policy's Sex Issue. (Is your skin crawling? Ours too.)
Like Islamists in today's Egypt -- and some among America's Christian right -- Iran's revolutionaries found fertile ground on which to play the politics of pious populism, rather than concretely address the enormous challenges of building a diversified economy. The country's massive oil wealth made it appear all too easy. Khomeini famously dismissed economics as "for donkeys," and he responded to complaints of inflation by saying, "The revolution wasn't about the price of watermelons." Three decades later, the results are self-evident: In 1979, resource-rich Iran's GDP was almost double that of resource-poor Turkey. Today, it is roughly half.

The brutal reality is that Iranians had entrusted their national destiny to a man, Khomeini, who had spent far more time thinking about the religious penalties for fornicating with animals than how to run a modern economy.
Political insiders are wondering even now when Rick Santorum will pack up & head for Tehran to reinvent himself. After all, no one there remembers the 2006 Pennsylvania Senate results.

Beyond the vile smut, an actual foreign policy point is made, & we are again struck by certain similarities. Are the mullahs also holding lists of known Communist infiltrators?
What they fail to consider is Khamenei's deep-seated conviction that U.S. designs to overthrow the Islamic Republic hinge not on military invasion but on cultural and political subversion intended to foment a "velvet" revolution from within. Consider this revealing address on Iranian state TV in 2005:
More than Iran's enemies need artillery, guns, and so forth, they need to spread cultural values that lead to moral corruption. … I recently read in the news that a senior official in an important American political center said: "Instead of bombs, send them miniskirts." He is right. If they arouse sexual desires in any given country, if they spread unrestrained mixing of men and women, and if they lead youth to behavior to which they are naturally inclined by instincts, there will no longer be any need for artillery and guns against that nation.
Khamenei's vast collection of writings and speeches makes clear that the weapons of mass destruction he fears most are cultural -- more Kim Kardashian and Lady Gaga than bunker busters and aircraft carriers. In other words, Tehran is threatened not only by what America does, but by what America is: a depraved, postmodern colonial power bent on achieving global cultural hegemony. America's "strategic policy," Khamenei has said, "is seeking female promiscuity."
That Eve just ruined everything, didn't she?

Sunset Boulevard

How'd we miss this? Easily. video platform video management video solutions video player But we'd be interested in seeing just how wrong they got it (Plenty:
Well, not quite East LA, or even the Eastside, but hey it's the promotional side of national news — what do they know.
We could be charitable & use the "what they left out" critique, but charitable since when, also: Two hrs.?) having resided for most of our time in L.A. & WeHo on or w/in walking distance (one-half to six blocks) of the famed spine, gastro-intestinal tract, artery-vein combo or whatever other comparison to a vital human body part that is the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. (One might think Hollywood Blvd. has that title, but its mere 40 or so blocks aren't nearly enough to hold all those dashed hopes.)Hmm. Never considered the prophetic implications of the opening lines in light of events just over a decade ago.

Well, you won't be safe in L.A. either; stay away.

PJ1

Music Monday.(Monday Music?)Extra-terrestrially themed.

Please Do Not Throw Me
Into The Briar Patch

Anders Behring Breivik said on Monday he was not criminally insane and would do anything to avoid being sent to a secure mental hospital.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Marine Layer

It did not hit the predicted 90°F this wknd.

Droop Droop Droop ...

Quote of the Day

"I'm going to try something different this year. I'm going to try to stay out of this one."
-- Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), in an interview on Fox News Sunday, saying he won't endorse a presidential candidate.
Droopy-to-English translation: "No one gives one fucking shit about anything that oozes from between my hideous jowls, wretched mugwump that I am!"

Earth Day 2012