Monday, October 1, 2012

We Told You We Weren't Paranoid

To your attention

I want you to read this message very carefully and that you keep the secret until further notice. You do not need to know or who I am or where I come from. I was paid an advance of $30 000 to eliminate you. My sponsors one of which is what we can call a friend gave me the reasons I noted. I am more than ten days and now I know that you are innocent of what you are accused. Do not try to warn or send this message to the FBI or the police because I know that I'll have to do the job for which I was paid. Note that this is the first time that I betrayed my employer.

Look, I'll do everything I can so that we can meet before but I need $15,000.
You have nothing to be afraid of me, I can come see you in your office or home, it is up to you to decide. Never attempt recording or filming our upcoming meeting. It will pay 10,000 to the account I will tell you, this before our first meeting. Once payment is made, I will give you the file that contains the names and queries sponsors. This is a good evidence that can be used to sue if you wish. The balance of the payment will be settled later. For the moment this is not the trouble I give you my phone number because you will cooperate. I have your picture and other important information about you. I was involved with my team in the Yemen Arab Republic. You must not ask me any questions.

Quickly confirm for your good.

Amelia Antonello

8 comments:

mikey said...

30 GRAND?

For Fucks Sake!

Fucking idiots don't realize there's an economic depression going on.

Hell, babe, I'da done it for a thousand bucks and an iPad...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Seems like a pretty good deal.
~

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

See, mikey and I never agree...
~

Weird Dave said...

Invite Mr. Antonello over and shoot him.

Substance McGravitas said...

That is terrific.

M. Bouffant said...

Dunno if "Amelia" is a Mr. That's sort of what made us not take it seriously.

That, & we've read about similar scammery.

Also:
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Polacks! New Europe. We just knew it!

And we're glad our Internet f(r)iends are so concerned for our well being.

Anonymous said...

Got the same email and had some fun with it. You should too, i.e., respond from a temporary fake account begging them not to please not hurt you and that you're ready to give them whatever they want, and then tell them they need to contact you so you can arrangement for payment and then give them the direct phone and name of any law enforcement professional you can find via a simple Google search and that's really all you have to do (you can also direct them to your primary email which, of course, will be the email of said law enforcement professional). Or respond by telling them you've sent their email with full headers to every single three letter government agency you can come up with (and make sure to give them a very specific list) plus the European equivalents and tell them you also took the opportunity of modifying the text of their original email so that they now appear to be threatening violence against government officials and specific locations, and let them know that you have already received responses from some of the said agencies and that they are confident they will be arresting the suspect very soon. Remind them that they should not attempt to leave their current residence, and they should not destroy their computers as they will be used as evidence against them in their upcoming trials. Or just respond directly to the email and tell them that you're very disappointed, that when you f**ked their mother, you didn't expect such a loser to come out of the pregnancy, but then, since you did her up the a** each time, you were honestly kind of surprised that anything came out anyway. Anyway, you get the idea - just get creative and have fun with the loser, and if you can trick them into calling a law enforcement official in the process, that's when things really could get funny. Turn it around on them.

M. Bouffant said...

Still Lazy Editor:
Good ideas all, but if we had the energy to do all that we'd be getting the revolution started now instead of sitting here.

Popularity. Like Junior High. This is mostly because I'm curious. You should all be ashamed.