Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Kill Your Landlord ...

... before he kills you.
A dispute over unpaid rent ended in horror Tuesday when a Queens landlord hacked his female tenant to death with a machete and then used the blade to end his life, police said.

Hettie Patterson’s screams drew the attention of neighbors as her landlord, Eulith Reid, attacked her with the machete in the backyard of his subdivided home on 143rd St. in Jamaica.

He struck at her head.

“He chopped her!” raged her boyfriend, George Frankson, who saw her body at the morgue. “She got chopped in the back of the head and her face.”
From Murder/Suicide, who suggest:

Je Vous Aime, Nous!

Here we are helping (That's what we're all about, you know.) someone, approx. (33:15) in.
Listen to internet radio with Here Be Monsters on Blog Talk Radio
Especially wonderful of us to help as we were obviously drowning at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

Starts W/ An "M," Right?

More from the "Why We Hate" series. There oughta be a law:
Surprised she didn't pronounce it "Muslin."


If there was any question, here's why we so despise this shit-hole of a nation & virtually every inane droning moron who populates it. People like this witch can't die soon enough. Cut off her Social Security & Medicare now!!From Bon the Geek, chez Zandar, who apparently has to live among peopleundifferentiated tissue like this.

Sign In, Please


We demand a vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response to this petition.

Since these petitions are ignored apart from an occasional patronizing and inane political statement amounting to nothing more than a condescending pat on the head, we the signers would enjoy having the illusion of success. Since no other outcome to this process seems possible, we demand that the White House immediately assign a junior staffer to compose a tame and vapid response to this petition, and never attempt to take any meaningful action on this or any other issue. We would also like a cookie.
If you have a White House Bullshit acc't., get busy on this. Or get an acc't. & join the literally thousands who've already signed. (Only about 6,000 more needed before 4 December 2011. Make your voice heard!!)

From B&S.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Guns Don't Kill People ...

... Federal agents w/ guns kill people.

Hawaii News now reports:

A special agent with the US Department of State was in police custody Saturday in connection with a 2nd degree murder investigation after allegedly shooting a 23-year-old Kailua man in a Waikiki McDonald's shortly after 2:30 am.

Honolulu police said the victim was shot during a confrontation involving four men at the Kuhio Avenue McDonald's between Seaside Avenue and Royal Hawaiian Avenue.

The victim, identified by family and friends as Kollin Kealii Elderts, was taken to the Queen's Medical Center where he was pronounced dead. Elderts was a Kalaheo High School graduate.

Christopher W. Deedy, a 27-year-old from Arlington, Virginia, was arrested at the scene.

AP news reports that authorities said Deedy was released from police custody at 5:15 a.m. Monday. His first court appearance is scheduled for Nov. 17.
Earlier, in the Seattle suburbs, one possibly ineffective round fired:

An off-duty Secret Service agent fired a shot at a prowler who the agent found in his Mercer Island backyard Sunday night.

Sources tell KIRO 7 that the agent saw the prowler videotaping the agent's daughter through a window, armed himself and went outside to confront the person. The Mercer Island Police Department said the prowler made a motion or gesture that made the agent think his life was in danger, so the agent fired one shot.

It's unclear whether the prowler was armed or hit.

A police K-9 unit was only able to track the prowler's scent to the street in front of the agent's home, which has led police to believe that the person may have fled in a vehicle.

Investigators said they are checking area hospitals to see if anyone shows up with a gunshot wound.

Mercer Island police guarded the agent’s home overnight.
No guns for pigs, damnit.

Jesus Suffers The Little Children

Grimness from The NYT:
In the latest case, Larry and Carri Williams of Sedro-Woolley, Wash., were home-schooling their six children when they adopted a girl and a boy, ages 11 and 7, from Ethiopia in 2008. The two were seen by their new parents as rebellious, according to friends.

Late one night in May this year, the adopted girl, Hana, was found face down, naked and emaciated in the backyard; her death was caused by hypothermia and malnutrition, officials determined. According to the sheriff’s report, the parents had deprived her of food for days at a time and had made her sleep in a cold barn or a closet and shower outside with a hose. And they often whipped her, leaving marks on her legs. The mother had praised the Pearls’ book and given a copy to a friend, the sheriff’s report said. Hana had been beaten the day of her death, the report said, with the 15-inch plastic tube recommended by Mr. Pearl.
Is it coincidence that the victims in these cases were adopted, & African? You tell us.
The same kind of plumbing tube was reported to have been used to beat Lydia Schatz, 7, who was adopted at age 4 from Liberia and died in Paradise, Calif., in 2010. Her parents, Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz, had the Pearl book but ignored its admonition against extended lashing or harm; they whipped Lydia for hours, with pauses for prayer. She died from severe tissue damage, and her older sister had to be hospitalized, officials said.

The Schatzes, who were home-schooling nine children, three of them adopted, are both serving long prison terms after he pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and torture and she to voluntary manslaughter and unlawful corporal punishment. The Butte County district attorney, Mike Ramsey, criticized the Pearls’ book as a dangerous influence.
And, geographic irony:
PLEASANTVILLE, Tenn. — After services at the Church at Cane Creek on a recent Sunday, a few dozen families held a potluck picnic and giggling children played pin the tail on the donkey.

The white-bearded preacher, Michael Pearl, who delivered his sermon in stained work pants, and his wife, Debi, mixed warmly with the families drawn to their evangelical ministry, including some of their own grandchildren.

The pastoral mood in the hills of Tennessee offered a stark contrast to the storm raging around the country over the Pearls’ teachings on child discipline, which advocate systematic use of “the rod” to teach toddlers to submit to authority. The methods, seen as common sense by some grateful parents and as horrific by others, are modeled, Mr. Pearl is fond of saying, on “the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules.”
Context, background, whatever you want to call it.


Sunday, November 6, 2011

Is It Still Sunday?

'Cause, you know, we can't wait for Monday & the beginning of the wk.

No Waiting

Pelicans Or Something

We can't believe we haven't run this one before. Maybe we have, but it's not on the list.

Johnny Depp Explains It All For You

"In Los Angeles, the hoity toities, the beautiful people, will sit on Sunset Strip and have their meal at these kind of fancy restaurants where no one can smoke – but you can inhale car fumes all you like." He shakes his head. "I mean, that to me says it all."

Bend Over For A Texas-Sized Enema

Curing by Punishment Dep't.:

Rick Perry’s parents say their son is strong medicine needed by a sickly nation

The Perrys say their son’s church training, pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps work ethic and straight-shootin’ style is the strong medicine needed by a sickly nation.

“The way we look at it, this country needs Rick Perry because he’s the kind of person who will lead,” said his daddy. “We certainly don’t need another Obama; we don’t make any bones about that.”

For the most part, the Perrys painted their son in the pastels used by proud parents.

“I may be a little biased, but I don’t think he’s perfect and I don’t always agree with him,” said Amelia Perry. “But he’s smarter than I am and he wants what’s best for America.”

On more controversial topics — sexual harassment allegations against current Republican front-runner Herman Cain or the racial epithet once painted on a rock at the family’s hunting lodge — they offered a simple “No comment.”
Proof that Rick is a real son-of-a bitch:
The Rev. John Erwin stood in the pulpit of the historic church and offered what many may consider a sad but safe observation about the world — politicians lie.

That’s when 82-year-old Amelia Perry’s voice rose above the sermon.

“John, my son is the governor of the great state of Texas,” she said. “And he is not a liar.”

The pastor paused briefly, then galloped on with the message.

A few minutes later, he repeated the fightin’ words — politicians lie.

This time, Amelia Perry stood from her pew.

“I told you once,” she said, her voice icy. “My son is not a liar.”
"Ah wudn't drunk," said Gov. Perry.

Another County Heard From

New to the NOT LOCAL bog-roll: My Life in Order.

Not just new to our little listing, but new to the world.

The present day web-logger refuses to die. Again.

Stop Saving, Start Wasting

It's 0100, ninnies!


We've no idea who host Charlie Day is. We've heard of (if not heard) this Maroon 5 (looks like punky rock, sounds like crap, smells like shit) but as they seem to have commenced a whistling/disco revival (& w/o being asked) we condemn them to the pits of hell for all eternity. And the snake & other crappy tattoos lead vocalist only makes us even happier we've never had ordinarily exposed places on our body modified.

Almost There, Be Patient

U.S. presidential election now just a yr. from today. Fuck.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Phrase of The Day

Today's phrase: "One lies, & the other swears to it."
Frick & Frack. Or, Alphonse & Gaston.
Recapitulation. Or is regurgitated the word we want?

Also. Thought we'd beaten him for a moment, but it's Eastern Time there.

Crummy Game Of The Wk.

The alleged No. 1 & No. 2 college footsball teams in the nation can only score six points each in regulation?

Pigeon Alley

What Does This Mean?

5 November

Guy Fawkes Day. Why the hell aren't people blowing/haven't people blown something up? We've some suggestions should you need any. Wall Street, for one.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Afghan Ingrates

In a Thursday interview with POLITICO , Fuller, a two-star general, slammed Karzai’s recent remark that Afghanistan would side with Pakistan in a war against the U.S., blasting the president’s comments as “erratic,” and adding, “Why don’t you just poke me in the eye with a needle! You’ve got to be kidding me. … I’m sorry, we just gave you $11.6 billion and now you’re telling me, ‘I don’t really care?’”

“When they are going to have a presidential election, you hope they get a guy that’s more articulate in public,” Fuller added.

Fuller also criticized Afghan leaders as divorced from the economic realities of the United States.

“I said, ‘You guys are isolated from reality.’ The reality is, the world economy is having some significant hiccups. The U.S. is in this [too],” Fuller told POLITICO. “If you’re in a very poor country like Afghanistan, you think that America has roads paved in gold, everybody lives in Hollywood. They don’t understand the sacrifices that America is making to provide for their security. And I think that’s part of my job — to educate ’em.”

He repeatedly said the Afghan leaders don’t appreciate the sacrifice that the United States was making in “blood and treasure” for the sake of their country.
For his troubles, Fuller was relieved of his duties.

Cultural Appropriation

We've noted this edifice a couple of times, but today, forced to the outside world & desperate for something to photograph we paid real attention & decided it might not always have been a "Jesus-approved" house of worship. (Not that Jesus would necessarily approve of the shit done in his name. Find us a line from Jesus authorizing the whole Christian religious complex anywhere in the Big Book of Lies.)

Of course, we were right.

In Case You've Forgotten

Everything's made of shit & we're all dying.

We're Malignant Bouffant & we approve this message.


Your Courtesy Is Appreciated

Glad to see people playing arm poker behind the shipping containers behind the Walgreens are re-capping their fits.

Crime Scene Photography

Dunno why the helmet wasn't taken.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Last Ditch Attempt To Keep
This Crummy Web Log Relevant

Herman Cain ... Google does evil ... Chaos ... Aransas County, Texas "Whippin' Judge" William Adams ... Occupying ... Waffle House Geezers ... Poverty ... Steve Jobs still dead ... Boredom ... Greece & Euros ... Rape ... Murder ... Former Bums Of Brooklyn of Los Angeles ... Madness ... Tuberculosis ... Death & Corporate Taxes ... McRib ... Hate, Pain, Fear & Rage ... Money Moving ...Shit & Piss ... Jackson Killer Doctor Trial ... Nausea ... Credit Unions ... Bieber's Baby (Alleged) ... Dullness ...Idiocy ... Inevitable Heat Death of the Universe ... Trivia ... Contempt for Congress ... The Urge to Kill ... Inane Droning ... America Still Eating Its Young ... General Strike ... Lies, Damned Lies & Statistics ...


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Watering Hole

In the semi-tropical environment, water can be hard to come by, & all of nature comes to drink at the same place.

If It Ain't Broke ...

Far be it from us to offer, let alone give technical advice (Although we did recently convince our friend & sexual associate to buy a Toshiba lap-top for $429.00 rather than blow over $1,000.00 on a piece of Steve Jobs slave-labor plastic.) but if, like the rest of the world, you agree that the new version of Gurgle's Reader sucks hard, here is an extension that may allow tweaks.

Of course, we tried to fix the "Posted by M. Bouffant"/"at NN:NN" overlap on this very web-log by adding a few lines of code to the CSS, as advised by some fuckwad somewhere, & nothing happened; we certainly won't be holding our breath while trying to reduce the new Reader's excess of white space.

A Chrome extension. This we might actually try.

Fantasy World

When we saw the part we've emphasized, we had a moment of hope ...
Mayor Villaraigosa: "As a Dodgers fan and an Angeleno, obviously the team has had a very tough season. We collectively felt the pain and anguish that resulted from the beating of Bryan Stow. It looks like we're going to open a new chapter with the team. And I look forward to local ownership. Whoever buys the team needs to live here. It absolutely has to be someone from L.A. The Dodgers aren't just a team, they are a collective community asset."
But obviously the Mayor is talking through his politician hat. Not much likelihood of a Green Bay-style community ownership deal here.

Nonetheless, perhaps Mayor Tony could take a few moments from deciding which local newshen he'll next be dating & look into applying some eminent domain remediation.

Eminent domain or not, it could happen! Just not soon.

Semi-Tropical Semi-Moon

Here, stare at this while we go out to buy some coffee, if we can get any w/ our last US$5.00.

Tweety The Turd-Polisher

Stolen shamelessly from Political Wire.
Jeff Bercovici found that out the hard way that Chris Matthews didn't use a ghostwriter on his new book, Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero

Said Matthews: "Fuck you. Where'd you get that? Is that what you think? You think I don't write my books?"

He adds: "I would never let anybody write something for me. Why do you think I'm like that? It's amazing to me that you think I'm some lightweight, glib bullshit artist that has somebody do his work for him. The writing is the hard part, the composition."
Yeah, it's just fucking amazing anyone could think he's a lightweight. "Shallow" is the word we'd use.

And enough w/ "Jack" Kennedy, & the rest of Bootlegger Joe's descendants. Who cares? It's almost 2012, isn't it?

Disease Up-Date

We did not know measles had almost disappeared either:
There have been 208 cases of measles reported in Quebec since May 1 and a total of 254 since the beginning of the year. That's a huge number, considering that there are typically only 11 cases a year in all of Canada, says the Public Health Agency of Canada.

This is now the largest measles outbreak in Canada since measles was essentially eradicated from Canada in the mid-1990s.

The U.S. is having one of its worst years yet for measles, as well. Health officials there say 118 cases have been reported so far this year -- the highest number this early in the year since 1996. The U.S. normally sees about 50 cases of measles in a year.
A Newshogger noticed it:
I admit that, being old enough to have had the measles as a kid and that it wasn’t entirely unusual at the time, I was quite surprised to discover the disease had been all but eradicated from North America over a decade ago. To watch it make a comeback due to a deliberate fabrication of a unscrupulous hack combined with the ignorant boosting of said hack by certain celebrities all preying on the fears of parents drives my rage up a few pegs.
Us as well, w/ one exception: We contracted measles (& still have a pockmark or two to prove it) in early 1980 (aged 26) as a result of doing the Worm w/ a bunch of college students while accompanying the Angry Samoans to a gig at UC Irvine, & indirectly as a result of the home schooling (have not had any of the other "childhood diseases," w/ the possible exception of rubella, AKA "German* Measles") that helped make us the cynical & alienated creep we are today.

An outbreak of almost 30,000 cases in 1990 led to a renewed push for vaccination and the addition of a second vaccine to the recommended schedule. Fewer than 200 cases have been reported each year since 1997, and the disease is no longer considered endemic.
Gone, yet not forgotten. Added frightening fact: The croaker we consulted post-measles (when we had the strength to get off the couch) advised us to "take it easy" on the boozin' & other wild activities for about a yr., as adults who contract measles have a 1-in-100 chance of developing Multiple Sclerosis. Yeesh. So far we seem to be OK. Physically.

So, Canadians, stand on guard. And don't breathe.
*What the hell? What did the Germans ever do to deserve this calumny?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins,
But We Get Tortured For His Birthday

Just observed the first Xmas advert on the big home screen, for some gawd-awful child's Xmas album, now available at Mall★Wart, where the Christmas Shop is now open.

This is not a scientific survey (Yes, the child is objectively gawd-awful, no matter how much her parental units have forced show bidness on her, but that's not what we meant.) because we are still w/o cable telebision. It may be worse in the larger media universe.

Only a few billion shopping yrs. left until the sun expands & finally burns away our misery.

Former White Castle?

Warning: Water will soon be privatized. And suck in all the air you can while it's still free (& not completely poisoned).

Property Rights

Big Ditch

Last Night In Hollywood

The people, not the phonies of WeHo & its "Worlds Largest Collection of Ninnies on Hallowe'en."As described.


New version of Gurgle reader sucks. Also bites, chews, blows & eats.

Others react as well.

Dead of The Day

"Holy Roller"
Art thingies courtesy ChimMaya Gallery.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Monster Movie Madness

Bonus play w/ "Pygmy Twylyte."Crankin' & a-cokin' in the Winchell's Donut (Straight outta Temple City!) midnight ...

Salting The Wound

Some may remember this hippies vs. cynical realists event at Empire of the Senseless.

Not to beat a horse that someone else killed, but we were struck by the belief that marching against the Vietnam atrocity somehow hastened its end. We thought not (Pres. Johnson wanted out, but was afraid of being called "soft on communism" by limp-dicked compensating Republicans, for example.) & others agree:
But then in terms of effect, it’s also not clear that the anti-Vietnam movement had a huge policy impact. By 1968, there was a growing elite-level consensus that continuing the war was a bad idea. Nixon and Kissinger wanted to get out on their own terms, but they definitely wanted to get out, and mostly for international rather than domestic reasons.
Not as if zillions in the street worldwide on the same day protesting the potential Iraq atrocities had any effect either, we're happy to point out. ("Happy" in a point-scoring way; we weren't happy the invasion & occupation went right ahead, hippies in the streets or not.)

Much the same question has been asked at Balloon Juice.

Yellow & Orange & ...

And another grouch heard from. Sorry, grumpy, we quite like Candy Corn. Perhaps as much for the texture (having wiped out our taste buds w/ booze, terbaccy & spicy food over a long period of time) as the sweet sugary sweetness.This is just sick, however.
Sick, sick, sick.

Second Amendment Voting

If we can't have democracy, at least we have our guns.
What is happening in Florida is part of a national trend, as election law has become a fierce partisan battleground. In states where Republicans have taken majority control, they have tightened rules for registering new voters, reduced the time for casting ballots and required voters to show photo identification at the polls. The new restrictions were usually adopted on party-line votes and signed by Republican governors.
Classic Republican illogic:
During Florida's legislative debate on the new law, a Republican state senator argued that it should not be easy or convenient to vote. Voting "is a hard-fought privilege. This is something people died for," said Sen. Michael Bennett of Bradenton, the chamber's president pro tempore. "Why should we make it easier?"
Didn't voting used to be one of those great "rights" that were so exceptionally American?

UPDATE (1214PDT 31 October 2011): A Johnny-come-lately bothered to research some links, if a shit is given by anyone about the subject.

A Waste Of Our Time & Their Money

What is wrong w/ this putrid pimp?
Hey there,
I'm reaching out to you because Thumbtack is getting a lot of job leads for childcare providers, and I'm looking for another childcare provider who is interested in taking on more clients.

After checking out your website I think you are a great fit for Thumbtack and I'd love to start sending you job leads. Please fill out a few details about your skills and rates, and I'll start forwarding you potential new clients.

If you have any questions about what Thumbtack can provide, please don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks, Heather
To which we responded:
I fucking hate children, & filthy liars!. Do not send me any more lying shit claiming "After checking out your website I think you are a great fit for Thumbtack." Thank you, advertising scum, & may you & every spam-sending piece of garbage like you rot in hell!

M. Bouffant
Not the first time we've received a similar message from "Heather Madison," if that is her real name, but we hope it's the last.

Concession To Hallowe'en

Even the trees are pseudo.

Scenes From The Capital City Of Shit

28 October 2011, 2249-2304PDT:
Police Terror I
Rampart PAL Carnival
If you don't know, Gurgle "Rampart Division."
Police Terror IIA
Police Terror IIB
Alexander's B. S. Restaurant

Sunday, October 30, 2011

This Is How Much I Hate The World
You Fucking Nazis Have Built

Hell, this is the world you Nazis have built. The first number is by one Lewis Allen Rabinowitz."I think Lou Reed is a creep." — The Dictators, "Two Tub Man"At least Wild Man had no tats & his original hair color.

Summing It Up

Quote of the Day
"Our team wants someone authentic, creative, fresh, bold and likeable. And we don't have much tolerance for too many facts or too much information. In politics, a bumper sticker always beats an essay."

-- Republican strategist Ed Rogers, writing in the Washington Post, on the psychology of GOP activists.
It's not just activists who won't tolerate facts, information, or even the grim truth.

Portrait Of The Photographer As A Shadow

Fall In Los Angeles

Note well that not all leaves stay green.

Scare Tactics II

By their advertisers shall ye know them, & their readers. There really oughta be a law.
Sorry, can't embed it (or even copy it, they claim ...) but you must watch this video before it is too late.
(Make sure your sound is turned on! Please wait up to 5 seconds for the video to load.)
When the shit hits the fan, fellow patriot & brother-in-arms, you will need to know which 37 items you should hoard. You don't want to be sent to a FEMA "relief camp," do you?

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Scare Tactics

On any other evening, presenting a frightening or threatening visage might be a violation of a general duty not to scare others. But on Halloween at trick-or-treat time, that duty is modified. Our society encourages children to transform themselves into witches, demons, and ghosts, and play a game of threatening neighbors into giving them candy.
— Bouton v. Allstate Ins. Co., 491 So. 2d 56, 59 (La. Ct. App. 1986)
So, if there is, under law (or something) a "general duty not to scare others" (except on All Hallows Eve) can the right-wing phobia-induction propaganda machine therefore be estopped, as the legal eagles put it? (And might there be just a bit of punishment in the deal as well, at least for the worst offenders?)

Wishing all not a "happy," but a truly frightening, horrific Hallowe'en that puts fear (if not an acute myocardial infarction — that's truly frightening, not "scary") in your hearts & poop in the pants of whatever idiotic costume you're sporting.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Oh, No!

Just about to stop following stupid hippie @yokoono.
Music good, brain not.

Yet Another Exercise In
Late Night/Early Morning Cynicism

Read it & weep. We're too cynical to take it out of context & copy it here.

More Terror Train Photos

Attention al Qaeda: Do what you will w/ these. Surely they will help you to destroy America.
Escalators to the circles of hell.
The New Brutalism. (The old one wasn't brutal enough?)
Leaving hell.
Slipping back into hell.