Monday, February 14, 2011

You Do Know Who Else Believed In "Divine Selection," Don't You?

I'd Like to Thank God... 
An author argues that a belief in divine selection really does make certain celebrities more successful.Read original story in The Wall Street Journal | Monday, Feb. 14, 2011

One night last summer, Lady Gaga sat in a tour bus in England, covered in stage blood from her concert that day. She told me that she had cried hysterically before a recent show because she'd had a dream that the devil was trying to take her. She then said, in earnest, that the spirit of her dead aunt was literally inside her body and that she had eaten a bovine heart to face her fear of her father's heart surgery.

If a stranger on a train had said all of this to me, I would have moved a few seats away. But this was one of the most famous women in the world. "It's hard to just chalk it all up to myself," Lady Gaga said of her success, explaining that there was "a higher power that's been watching out for me."

Cut to…Snoop Dogg in the living room of his home outside Los Angeles, smoking a blunt and discussing his comeback after leaving Death Row Records. "God makes everything happen," he said. "He put me in that situation with Death Row, and he took me out of it."

Cut to…a hotel room where Christina Aguilera is gorging on junk food and discussing her success. "All of this isn't something that I did," she told me. "It's something that is totally there for a purpose." In a separate interview, Ms. Aguilera's mother explained that fame was her daughter's destiny: "We thought there must be some divine intervention. Early on, I realized…God has plans for her."

We need a "Just Shoot Us" category. And a gun, obviously.

5 comments:

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

So, what about the people who crash and burn- should Lindsay Lohan be decrying the cruel whims of a capricious demiurge?

Damn, that God Guy has a great P.R. department- people suffer, they thank him, people succeed, they thank him.

Substance McGravitas said...

Well now I feel much better about whacking off. Thanks God!

M. Bouffant said...

Queasy Editor Imagines:

Ha ha, Lady Gaga & Bastard eating beef heart together. Still more evil than self-abuse.

M. Bouffant said...

Good Eatin' Ed. Adds:

Thanks to BBx2 for reminding us of G. Gordon Liddy eating rats to overcome his fear.

Guess that makes Gaga as much of a man as G. Gordon. Or vice versa.

Hunger Tallest Palin (or whatever name I posted under the last time) said...

So God made C.A. blow The Star Spangled Banner.

That wasn't very nice.