Sunday, August 23, 2009

Annals Of "High-Powered Attorneys"

The "Blogger's Aren't Free" case has moved along, w/ the court-mandated revelation by Google™ of the typist who opined that a model was a "ho" & a "skank."
Said typist's attorney is now suing the "Do no evil (to our profits!)" corporation in a "$15 million federal lawsuit ..."
In her suit, she'll charge Google "breached its fiduciary duty to protect her expectation of anonymity," said her high-powered attorney Salvatore Strazzullo.
"I'm ready to take this all the way to the Supreme Court," Strazzullo said. "Our Founding Fathers wrote 'The Federalist Papers' under pseudonyms. Inherent in the First Amendment is the right to speak anonymously. Shouldn't that right extend to the new public square of the Internet?"
"I feel proud to live in a country where you're not persecuted for your opinions," Port said. "That right has to be protected.
"Even though people are now taking shots at me on the Web, I believe those people have a right to their opinions - and their anonymity," said Port, who is slated to appear on ABC's "Good Morning America" tomorrow.
As an arttypist who spends as much of our spare time (it reaches to infinity) as possible wishing in cyberprint that certain political elements would suffer gruesome, untimely deaths (if not actually threatening them directly) we're 110% for anonymity. If it was good enough for the authors of "The Federalist Papers," it woks for us as well.
We should note that this is an excellent example of the personal being political (or vice versa).
The surprising decision, though, seems to have only increased the bad blood between the two women, who knew each other from Manhattan's fashion scene and reportedly quarreled after Cohen badmouthed Port to her ex-boyfriend.
OK, NY Post, whose "ex-boyfriend?" Can we make all the facts in question here clear & obvious? And if he's an ex, what do either of you care? "Sticks & stones," witches, "sticks & stones."
Best of luck to Ms. Port. Maybe she can get some spelling & grammar lessons w/ that cool $15 million. And maybe we can up our outrage here & Google™ will out us, at a eventual profit to ourself.
Also: Ms. Cohen has had other troubles. At this point we're thinking that blogger Port should have just fucked off & left Cohen alone.

3 comments:

Substance McGravitas said...

What is the measurable harm in "skank"?

Another Kiwi said...

Indeed, Mr Bob Marley wrote many lyrics about the joys of skanking. Context is all, I assume.
I do feel that the time for a reliable hurt feelings-o-meter is nigh. I suggest that the units used by such a machine would be the onion.
"Yer Honor, my client has been sobbing his eyes out since he was called a doodoo head by Mr. Beck. Look his feelings-o-meter readings are 6.7 onions!!!"

M. Bouffant said...

"Humans, huh?" Editor Believes:

Many so-called normal people are concerned about how others perceive them. This is very hard for us (& possibly you all) to understand, but it seems to be true. Something to do w/ emotional distress, legally. (Silly fucking apes. Will they never learn?)

We do wonder if "skank" is worse than "ho," or if it's just funnier because of the "K" sound.

Also: CAT FIGHT!!

And: Why would being a skank in the fashion world be a "bad" thing? A mystery to us, again.

A. Kiwi, meanwhile, has just become the Bill Gates of the 21st century w/ his concept. You can say you read it here first. (Are you going to include the "butt-hurt" concept in that? "Your honor, my client's ass is chapped to an 8.45 on the Kiwi scale.")