Saturday, July 26, 2008

Screeching Witch of The Week

It's Tammy Bruce! Hope no one was too surprised. This wk.'s idiocy? In the future, once Sen. Obama is Pres. Obama, we won't want to go outside because there won't be any gas (he wants to tell us how to live, you know) & we'll be scared to go outside anyway because of viruses. The viruses will kill us because of Obama's universal health care. (Completely accurate paraphrase. Check out her podcast if you've a barf bag handy.) To which we can only agree. It's absolutely true that Afro-Asian Moooslims are taking over Europe. You know why? Universal health care has killed all the Euro-Xtians. (The mainstream media is able to cover it all up, becuase no one here in the New World has any contact w/ Eurotrash.)

UUrrrp!!

Much as it galls us to give any credit of any kind to anything even vaguely "religious," we feel we should give a shout-out & some "big ups" to the Unitarian Universalist Community Church of Santa Monica, who stop by Mental Health Day Care for Adults the final Sat. of each month & feed us pathetic homeless wretches a fine & bountiful meal. Earlier today, as usual, we were offered chicken breasts, Swedish meatballs, lasagna (meat & vegetarian) rice w/ those little nuts in it, vegetables, green, macaroni, & potato salads, a dinner roll, choice of cookies, & ice cream. Second helpings for all. Yum. The editorial staff belches in delight. And has a few of the meatballs in a plastic bag that formerly held free multi-vitamins, courtesy of the UCLA med school, who came to check the health of the homeless this a. m., & to hand out the aforementioned vitamins, socks (ladies socks only this wk., sadly) & those socks that people who have sex wear when they're having it. Prophylactic devices, we think they're called. We're much too pure & unattractive to need those. So thanks UCLA med students & thanks Unitarians. We hear you're not really that religious anyway. And Unitarianism is certainly better for upper-middle class white people than Xtian Science. Perhaps humour illustrates it best.
Three children were talking about their religions."I'm a Catholic," said one, "And our symbol is the cross." "I'm Jewish," said the second, "And our symbol is the Star of David." The third child said, "I'm a Unitarian Universalist and our symbol is a candle in a cocktail glass!" A Unitarian Universalist dies, and on the way to the afterlife encounters a fork in the road with two options: "to heaven" and "to a discussion of heaven." Without pausing, the UU heads right to the discussion of heaven.
Or perhaps not. Fuck Muhammad, Jesus, Abraham & Moses anyway. Busybody assholes.

"Slauson Shuffletime" Writer Dies

Below: Two dead guys, Earl Lee Nelson, right, & Barry White. Earl just died, 12 July 2008, @ 79.
You might have known it as the "Harlem Shuffle." We've always dug it, & we thought that Bob & Earl was as snappy a band name as any (except perhaps Sam & Dave).

Our time is short, so we'll refer you to The Incredible Shrinking Newspaper's©™ obit. Note that Bobby Day of "Rockin' Robin" fame was the original Bob, & that Barry White produced "Harlem Shuffle."

Snark of the Week

Well, the Snark of the Week from The Incredible Shrinking Newspaper©™, at least.
What is the X6 good at? That isn't a rhetorical question. It seats four -- not five, or seven, like the X5 -- and the rear passengers must contend with the car's seriously sloped roof. The X6 is built alongside the X5 in South Carolina, so you'd think BMW would understand the havoc such a roofline wreaks on beehive hairdos.
Haw haw.

Today's History

The party's finally over: "Sir" Mick Jagger turns 65 today. Time to retire, you old wretch. And take the King of the Living Dead, Mr. Richard(s), with ya. Also on this date, sixty yrs. ago (1948): President Harry S. Truman signed Executive Order 9981 (as referenced just a few days ago here, in the comments) allowing "black" Americans to get shot dead just like their "white" American cousins in the service of "their" gov't.

Friday, July 25, 2008

B. S. = Ben Stein (UPDATED/COMPLETED)

You'd think Ben Stein would know better than to cast the "Fuhrer" analogies around casually, but he seems to have gone off the deep end in the last few months. Maybe he's just hanging about w/ bad influences (Mormon moron) Glenn Beck being the latest, doubtless it's frustration that his party has stuck itself w/ the 21st century Bob Dole as a putative candidate, while the Dems have someone who can string together several sentences at a time & appears thoughtful rather than brain-dead, but Stein (& many other Repubs; wait for it, the hysteria will only mount) came up w/ a good one yesterday.

STEIN: I want -- I'm glad you brought up this Denver thing. I don't like the idea of Senator Obama giving his acceptance speech in front of 75,000 wildly cheering people. That is not the way we do things in political parties in the United States of America. We have a contained number of people in an arena. Seventy-five-thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that's something the Fuehrer [sic] would have done. And I think whoever is advising Senator Obama to do this is bringing up all kinds of very unfortunate images from the past.

BECK: Well, yeah, you know what? I've been -- I've been saying that we're headed towards a Mussolini-style presidency forever. STEIN: Well, I think -- BECK: I mean it's crazy. STEIN: It's a scary situation. I mean, I think he has to recognize some bounds on his own ego. I understand politicians are politicians because they have ego deficit problems and they try to cure them by having lots of worship and adulation and adoration. But 75,000 people screaming at an outdoor arena, that's just too much. It's just -- it's scarily authoritarian.

But the best part: "Contained number of people in an arena." Ben likes his politics like himself. Buttoned down w/ a stick up the ass. Gawd forbid there should be any spontaneity or inspiration. What would you bet that if McCain could pull off something like this, Stein would be calling it a new day in America, blah, blah, blah? Actually finished 26 July 2008 @ 1119.

"Did You Know?" Part Deux (Black Belt Patriotism)

Continuing from yesterday's "Did You Know?" (truncated due to time constraints) we link you to Chuck Norris's Human Events column, which inspired this. This reporter remembers when our crypto-fascist parental units subscribed to the paper version (well, there were only paper versions in the long ago early 1960s) of Human Events but you can bet your ass that even John Wayne wouldn't have had a column in it in those days. The pamphlet was (and still is) about a half-step to the left of the John Birch society, but there was no "celebrity" (if you can call Norris that) fetishism. One of (alright, the only) thing we remember from those halcyon days was that Human Events had its knickers in a knot over allegations that the United States Post Office was complaining about people writing "This is a republic, not a democracy," on envelopes. In retrospect that sounds like a bunch of crap, why would the P. O. care, & what could they do, but it was part & parcel of the right-wing paranoia that continues to this day. Now that we've wallowed in nostalgia, we'll continue our time wasting by thoroughly examining Massa Norris's latest. He's on about the word "nigger." Perhaps he just resents the limitations on his use of it:
Blacks can, but whites can't.
Oooooh, "racism."
This is more than a race issue and far more than a debate over freedom of speech. When will we learn that just because we can say something doesn't mean that we should? Once again, we're confusing liberty for licentiousness. It is a classic example of what happens when a society leaves its moral absolutes: Everything becomes culturally relative, with each deciding what's right in his own eyes. Language is one more infected arena in America's societal degradation. Think about it. What word is nasty or unwholesome anymore? There are no "bad words." Words once considered evil are now terms of endearment. There's the B-word, the D-word, the A-word, the F-word, etc. Even bleeps are mere blips on America's moral radar screens. When ministers use G-- d--- in their sermons and moral activists threaten to cut off a presidential candidate's genitals and call him the N-word, can't we see the signs that we're heading in the wrong direction? We have become desensitized to everything, from profanity to pornography.
No mention of our desensitization to rapacious violence perpetrated on those of "duskier" skin tone, or different sexual orientation, or wymyn, often by agents of the United Snakes Gov't., as perpetuated by the liberal mainstream media. (Do you watch the evening network news? When was the last time the body of an American, as opposed to a swarthy insurgent or Talibani was displayed?) But that's America's Culture o' Death for you. Murder, destruction, etc.? A-OK. A glimpse of a life-giving female breast on the tube? Sin!! Shame!! Abomination!! A titty!! Oh no, what if Junior saw it & remembers? Words once evil are now endearing? Why, yes, they are, as slang changes, as oppressed groups take possession of the words used to oppress them (The nerve of those young colored people & queers!) & so on. We're surprised he didn't complain about the use of "bad" & "dope," or "it's da bomb" (terribly insensitive to people killed by suicide bombers, after all) as positive adjectives/phrases. "Golly Gee Whillikers," says Mr. Clean-Mouth, "we can't even understand what the coloreds are saying, & our decent young white people are starting to imitate them!" As we typed yesterday: "It's OK to use the phrase "God Bless [Fill in Blank Space]," but asking "God" to damn something is wrong? (Why worship the Hebrew War God if you can't get him to kick your enemies' asses?) These lines deserve special attention, so we'll repeat them:
Everything becomes culturally relative, with each deciding what's right in his own eyes. Language is one more infected arena in America's societal degradation.
You certainly have no right, as an American, to decide what's right or wrong. That's what the gov't. & the busybodies are for. Where did we even get the idea that we aren't children who need big gov't. to protect us from thinking for ourselves, or the teaching of evolution or what have you? We certainly remember Mr. Norris as being in favor of as much gov't. as possible, regulating as many aspects of our life as possible. Don't you? And any one who could type a sentence like that last one has no right to complain about language in any way, shape or form. Hope your arena clers up soon. Tried methycillin? The world has changed around Chuck, & he's definitely not down w/ it.
Today's America is certainly not the one in which I grew up during the '40s and '50s. Profanity of any sort was wrong back then and frowned upon by most in private or public use. Today profanity has become a positive form of expression, with studies even showing that it releases stress and boosts morale at the workplace!
No, it's not the world he was raised in. (It's debatable if he "grew up" at all.) This really is low-hanging fruit, we'll pass on listing all the incredible hypocrisy, repression, segregation, racism, sexism & the rest of the litany of Mr. Norris's precious '40s & '50s. Remember, though, that to Chuck & his ilk, hypocrisy & repression are the ways to go. They build "character" & deaden minds. Profanity does release stress & boost morale. Chuck doesn't think that's a very good idea though, does he? (If the words weren't considered so dirty & forbidden, they wouldn't have that effect. Think about that for a minute, Karate Boy.) Ever wonder how long he'd last in an 0800-1700 day job? He'd be whining & pissing his pants about his precious "freedoms" w/in a wk.! We know that Mr. Norris isn't much of a science fan ("Don't teach any of that evolution crap garbage near me!!") but would it be too much trouble to have a study or two done proving that hearing "fuck," instead of "duck," "luck," "buck," and the like causes actual damage to children's minds? It might hurt their feelings? Isn't sensitivity to the feelings of others the very definition of being a pussy? (Would Chuck use that word? In that context? Maybe we should just ban it entirely. Who cares if it has several meanings? "Pussywillow. Tee hee.") And our children & their children (It never stops.) won't beat the terrorists by being "pussies." Of course, Chuck's real interest is blind obedience & repression. Train the little fucks that certain words are intrinsically bad & should never be said (especially if "other" people use those words a lot) & Chuck's element are in a much better position to dissuade people from certain ideas & concepts w/o examining them. Chuckie's other real interest? Why, book sales. All of the first half of his column leads to a plug for Black Belt Patriotism, his upcoming (as if your lunch is about to come up) tome, & a few selections therefrom. What saying (or not saying) "poopie doodie underpants" or "Die, you commie rat bastard!!" has to do w/ "patriotism" is a question for someone else to ask (& we'd love to hear Norris's reply) but let's see how dedicated to his country he is. We should first note that he's an Alan Keyes type, who has little or no interest in the Constitution, which doesn't mention "gawd" or "the creator," but thinks the Declaration of Independence is the be all & end all of American thought.
"...The Declaration of Independence set America's course. Though we have sometimes drifted from its highest principles, all Americans have ever had to do was steer by its compass to acknowledge or rediscover the inherent equality of slaves, women, the poor, Indians, and the unborn. All were -- and are -- children of God, endowed by their creator with 'certain unalienable rights.' … "The Founders could not immediately abolish slavery. It was too entrenched in the economy of the South, but the Declaration eroded its foundations in a way that made its end inevitable. That 'all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights' is one of the most powerful principles ever enunciated in the history of politics." And that power can be unleashed again to help us in our day. The sooner we get back to our Founders' words, our country's original calling, the sooner we will start treating one another (red, yellow, black and white) as our Founders' [sic] prescribed and the sooner we will get beyond these slanderous debates about language and humanity. It's time to grow up, America -- to move beyond the arguments of yesteryear. You're older than 200 now. It's time to act your age.
Slavery is just terrible, but we can't have (white) people starving if we get rid of it. W/ these fucks, the economy (or just a chance to get another damn nickel) trumps humanity every time, doesn't it? That Declaration sure "eroded its foundations," huh? But it withered away eventually, & it's not as if we had to have a big ol' war or anything, so sincere were we about our Declaration. And brown people don't seem to enter into his equation at all. They'll have to stop invading us by sneaking over the border & having too many children before they can be included w/ the red, yellow, black & white. Hey, how 'bout those "red" people, anyway? America's really worked out well for them, hasn't it? Good thing we were able to free them from the personal responsibility of taking care of their own land. The ladies? Only took about a century & a half for them to get the right to vote. Love that Declaration! What a foundation!! Or, sometimes. a foundation-eroder!! It's two mints in one! So stop these "slanderous (?) debates about language & humanity!!" Chuck knows what's best for all of us, no "slanderous debate" needed. It's time to act your age, not your hat size, America!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

"Did You Know?" Part One

Some words are "good." Some words are "bad." Often nothing more than one letter can make the difference. It's OK to use the phrase "God Bless [Fill in Blank Space]," but asking "God" to damn something is wrong? (Why worship the Hebrew War God if you can't get him to kick your enemies' asses? After all, you're so righteous you don't even say "fuck.") We may have more on this tomorrow. Or not.

Fatima Miracle Proves Hitler Was God

Why are we Internet-addicted? Being able to find stuff like this purely by accident, as the result of a few clicks.
The three-part Ra cycle was modified by Christians into the trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. One misconception of Christianity is that the wrathful God of the Old Testament somehow faded into the background after the coming of Christ. In fact, He never left and the public still misses him, as evidenced by the popularity of the all-powerful Father in the Star Wars saga. In that trinity, Darth Vader was the Father, Luke Skywalker was the Son and Obi-Wan Kenobi was the Holy Ghost. Deadly daughter Who was Hitler's mythic daughter? Western religion does not allow for a dark goddess, so Sekhmet emerged in cinema in that early war year, 1939. Behold the young warrior Dorothy, demanding strength from her weak inner men. From the man of straw, she drew a bundle of sticks, the fasces of fascism. From the tin man, she forged steel for bullets and armor for tanks. From the cowardly lion, she demanded the courage of the lioness Sekhmet. She killed rival witches in murders disguised as accidents. Slippers dipped in ruby blood; soon the red torrent would rinse her hair. Now she becomes Scarlett, Witch of the South, a widow dancing on the corpse of her husband. Men run off to war on the false promise of her tease. She yearns to be tamed by the pure and honorable Ashley but is doomed to coupling with the equally black-hearted Rhett. She can only give birth to death and a life cut short. Cursed is her womb.
This stuff is always best when written clearly & spelled correctly. The site itself is not painful to the eyes. Yet lunacy (although the writer seems to believe he's Ra, the Sun Gawd of the Egyptians, a solatic rather than a lunatic) prevails. The above is a mere extract. Visit for more fun. (We thought we had problems.)

Defense Pork/Earmarks & Campaign Finance Boondoggle

Another boondoggle in the works to funnel more money to (un-)American defense firms who do their best to support the Republican Party, knowing that under right-wing administrations more funds will be given to said companies, insuring a decadent life-style for the executives & some of the stockholders.
State Department officials say the upgrades would greatly enhance the F-16s’ ability to strike insurgents accurately, while reducing the risk to civilians. The officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity because Congress was weighing the plan, said the timing was driven by deadlines of the American contractor, Lockheed Martin.
Yep, it's all because of Lockheed Martin's deadlines. That's what counts here. And like hell the upgrades will enhance accuracy in striking insurgents. None of this crap ever works as advertised, or as presented by the running dog Yankee news media. Not to mention that Americans dealing "death from above" (Sound religious & holy to you? It isn't, it's cowardly.) can't tell the difference between insurgent gatherings & wedding parties. Maybe the Pakistani Air Force will do a better job; we're not holding our breath on that, however.

Pakistan agreed to buy about 70 F-16s in the 1980s, and about 40 were delivered before Congress cut off all aid and military sales in 1990, citing Pakistan’s secret development of nuclear weapons.

A new deal was struck after the Sept. 11 attacks to allow Pakistan to buy newer models, in part to reward Pakistan’s cooperation in fighting terrorism.
And in part to reward American cos. that reward Republicans. Not to mention that the outrage about Pakistan's development of nuclear weapons fell by the wayside soon enough. And the alleged distribution of nuclear technology to North Korea & Iran? A. Q. Khan, remember? (Now released from the horrible punishment of "house arrest" he received.) Whatever, says the current admin. We also have some memory of Richard Armitage telephoning ol' Pervy Musharraf & advising him that we'd nuke his ass into Gen. Curtis LeMay's proverbial Stone Age if he didn't cooperate. So why the fuck do we have to provide dime one to him in addition? So our taxpayer dollars can go from Lockheed Martin et al. to the coffers of the Republican Party. No fucking wonder the Party of Lincoln™ is opposed to public campaign financing. They already have it.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Cell Cancer

We can only hope that mobile phone users will soon be treated w/ the opprobrium now reserved for smokers.
In the memo he sent to about 3,000 faculty and staff Wednesday, he says children should use cell phones only for emergencies because their brains are still developing. Adults should keep the phone away from the head and use the speakerphone or a wireless headset, he says. He even warns against using cell phones in public places like a bus because it exposes others to the phone’s electromagnetic fields.
"Hey, you stupid freak!!! Get your fucking electro-magnetic field away from me!! What's the matter w/ you? Can't you live for ten minutes w/o sharing your banal, pointless observations w/ another mouth-breathing idiot?" Does Dr. Herberman think using a cell 'phone will make children even stupider & more pathetic than their parents, or is he afraid of cancer? Trying to put himself out of a job? No, America will be causing cancer as long as its Made-in-China plastic flag continues to wave.

Vanity Fair's Two Bits Worth

We dunno. Cinderella Stepford Hensley McCain looks a little better than depicted. Click for larger, wretched oldsters.

P. O. D. Strikes Again

You live by the sword, etc. Or is it, "You lie down w/ dogs, you get up w/ fleas?" Either way, Robert Novak, evil Catholic, if that isn't redundant, was taken by the McCain campaign, which seems to be skittering out of control right along w/ its candidate. (For details, see The Internet, or the "liberal" media. Though even the "conservative" media seems to have noticed that the Party of Lincoln™ has nominated a real prize.) Here's more or less what happened to Bobbo on Mon.
"I got a suggestion from a very senior McCain aide late yesterday afternoon that he was going to announce it this week,'' Novak told Fox News Tuesday. "They didn't want it to come out the way it was going to come out, and they suggested I put it out. "I then called another senior person who said, 'I can't talk about that, but wouldn't this be a terrific week to announce it, that is with Obama getting the headlines?' So I just put something on the Internet." "I've since have been told by certain people that this was a dodge, they were trying to get a little publicity to rain on Obama's campaign,'' Novak told Fox. "That's pretty reprehensible if it's true, but we'll find out in a few days. "
Ooooh, reprehensible. Poor Robert must feel so dirty & used. As reprehensible as naming Valerie Plame as a CIA agent? Who can say? Reprehensibility is, after all, in the eye of the beholder. But, but, don't go away, 'cause that's merely the beginning of the Prince of Darkness's possibly worst wk. ever. Dig this, from this very a. m.
“I didn’t know I hit him. ... I feel terrible,” a shaken Novak told reporters from Politico and WJLA as he was returning to his car. "He's not dead, that's the main thing." Novak said he was a block away from 18th and K streets Northwest, where the accident occurred, when a bicyclist stopped him and said he had hit someone. He said he was cited for failing to yield the right of way. The bicyclist was David Bono, a partner at Harkins Cunningham, who was on his usual bike commute to work at 1700 K St. N.W. when he witnessed the accident. As he traveled east on K Street, crossing 18th, Bono said "a black Corvette convertible with top closed plows into the guy. The guy is sort of splayed into the windshield.”
Let's review. Novak alleges he's unaware he hit anyone, yet the witness says the pedestrian was "sort of splayed into the windshield.” Would it be unreasonable to conclude that Novak is either a liar (& there is a record of many yrs. in D. C. to consult) or in some stage of dementia? He's certainly suffering from one sort of dementia. He's a 77-yr.-old spinmeister who drives a black convertible Corvette™. How lame can one get?
Novak, 77, has earned a reputation around the capital as an aggressive driver, easily identified in his convertible sports car. In 2001, he cursed at a pedestrian on the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue and 13th streets Northwest for allegedly jaywalking. “’Learn to read the signs, [bodily orifice]!’ Novak snapped before speeding away,” according to an item in The Washington Post’s Reliable Source column. Novak explained to the paper: "He was crossing on the red light. I really hate jaywalkers. I despise them. Since I don't run the country, all I can do is yell at 'em. The other option is to run 'em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that." Two years later, the same column reported that Novak had gone to a racing school in Florida. "I've wanted to be a racecar driver all my life, and anyone who has watched me drive can tell you that,” Novak said.
We have here an automobile bully, who is either lying or demented. How many hours until his next telebsion appearance as an "experienced, knowledgeable pundit?"

Hic! Dallas Beware, More Drunks On The Way!

Found the AP version of this item on the second page of the Incredible Shrinking Newspaper's™ Beez-ness section this a. m., leading us to the original story. In the Ironist-in-Chief's own words:
"There's no question about it. Wall Street got drunk -- that's one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras -- it got drunk and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments," the president said Friday at a fundraiser for Republican congressional candidate Pete Olson.
This took place at a private house in Houston, we're guessing more likely to have been in a very nice (though perhaps not Candy Spelling quality) domicile in River Oaks rather than somewhere in the North Ward.
"Then we got a housing issue, not in Houston, evidently, not in Dallas, because Laura was over there trying to buy a house today," Bush said of first lady Laura Bush. "I like Crawford. Unfortunately after eight years of asking her to sacrifice, I'm now no longer the decision maker. She'll be deciding, thanks for the suggestion. I suggest you don't yell it out when she's here. I did tell her, I said honey, we've been on government pay now for 14 years, go slow." The crowd in attendance laughed loudly during Bush's comments before his voice trailed off. "But it's, uh, I'm losing my train of thought."
What a fucking comedian he is. Most of the nation is doubled over laughing. Oh? They're not laughing? They're doubled over in pain? OK. Anyone w/ his money, power, & influence, who was appointed to the presidency, should have had the common simple decency to return all of his salary & most of his expense account to the U.S. Treasury. But he was playing to his base, the piggie classes, in their closed to the public, turn off the cameras kaffeeklatsch. "Ha ha, get it? Government pay. He's so witty." Even Cull-ee-fahrneea's Goobnernator Schwarzenegger only takes a dollar a year. Symbolic, but still. Just as we need Highway Patrols & police departments to keep drunks from running us over on the freeways & streets, we need some "anti-free market" regulation to keep Wall Street's drunken binges from rolling (& rolling over) the entire nation's economy. Actually, we need legislation outlawing investment & speculation entirely. Remember grade school, where the lesson of the Jamestown Colony was inculcated in all of us? The spoiled but otherwise healthy aristocratic colonists were told that if they didn't work, they wouldn't eat. A lesson This Great Nation of Ours™ seems to have forgotten.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

In Case You Missed It

We're on disability & in the streets while people like Mike Weiner are allowed not only free but to profit from this sort of thing?

Seriously, In All Modesty

Because it is really modest. We nonetheless note that the Sitemeter has crossed the round number of 40,000.

Don't Hold Your Breath

Obligatory Daily Item to indicate there may not be many items posted today, as if anyone were on the edge of her/his seat waiting. (We'll be wallowing in self-pity for the rest of the day, don't mind us.)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Cartoon Corner

Just keeping up w/ the "Pop Culture" aspects of this web log. Visit the cartoonist & buy one of his fucking mugs or something.

Record Lows Forecast

It's official!! Gee Dub has hit, if not rock bottom, as low as any American president since the invention of opinion polling.
Overall, 21% of Americans say that they approve of the way George W. Bush is handling his job as president, 72% disapprove, and 7% are undecided.
The real wonder is how anyone could be "undecided." Are these the "independent, moderate swing voters" who may make the final presidential decision, assuming Diebold & various other Republican agencies stay out of it? (A big assumption there.)

Seriously, When Does It Stop?

From the Chicken Noodle Network's Late Edition (scroll down until part two of the interview, it's a loooong way) yesterday, wimpy Wolf Blitzer (What's his real name again?) interviews Secretary of Stupid Statements Condoleezza Rice:
BLITZER: If they say the United States should leave, what would the U.S. do? RICE: Well we are there at the invitation of the Iraqi government. But I think you will find that the Iraqis recognize that they need and want a partner. What we have to recognize is that we have achieved an enormous amount over the last year, really since the surge, a lot. Violence is down, the Iraqi political system is beginning to function. You have Sunni leaders coming back into the government. And I think we would be foolish and they would be foolish to put at risk those gains by too rapid a decline in the American forces there.
(Bold face ours.) Did you hear that? Just when did the Iraqi government "invite" some 140,000 United Snakes forces & another 180,000 contractors into Iraq? Really, when? Is there an engraved invitation that Secretary Rice could show the American people, to explain just what the fuck we're doing there? Seems to us that one Saddam Hussein was the "government" when we first went there. Did he invite us? "Invitation of the Iraqi government," our ample ass! Not to mention that the "gains" made are mostly a function of bribing tribal leaders not to shoot at U. S. forces, & the completion of various ethnic cleansing projects by both Sunnis & Shiites, which will only result in further conflict along the "aspirational time horizon." Gackk!! Corporate weasel-speak from Standard Oil Director Rice. And from the Chief Nitwit himself:
"And they have no disregard for human life."—Describing the brutality of Afghan fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008
Does he ever even listen to himself? All of these fucking people, from Bush & Cheney down to the merest spokesmodel for this administration of evil clowns can't be impeached, hauled off in chains & waterboarded or strung up until their shoulders are dislocated or burned w/ Zippos™ soon enough for us. Six mos. until Bush & the rest of them are sad unfortunate history. We can only hope that some part of the U. S. economy, or This Great Nation of Ours™ itself are still standing when that glorious day arrives.

English Language Patrol

From the "Ha ha, funny, huh, hyuk-hyuk?" file we found this testimony to humanity.
SAN LUIS OBISPO, Calif. - Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Grover Beach. Matthew Craig Pillers and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge. Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man's groin and set him on fire on Jan. 18. Tuleja had second-degree burns on his testicles.
Our point is that we highly doubt that poor passed-out Elliot sustained burned "testicles." Chances are it was his scrotum which was burned. Think about it. In order to have rec'd. burns on his actual gonads, his scrotum would have to have been burned away, wouldn't it? What ever happened to simple "tea-bagging" as far as homoerotic behavior between straight male friends?

Guessing Game

Who said:
"Speaking as a private individual, I would not vote for John McCain under any circumstances."
And:
"I cannot and I will not vote for Sen. John McCain as a matter of conscience," [he] said. "But what a sad and melancholy decision this is for me and many other conservatives. Should John McCain capture the nomination as many assume, I believe this general election will offer the worst choices for president in my lifetime." [H]e definitely would not vote for Democratic Sens. Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, "based on their virulently anti-family policy positions." "If these are the nominees in November, I simply will not cast a ballot for president for the first time in my life," he said. "These decisions are my personal views and do not represent the organization with which I'm affiliated," he concluded. "They do reflect, however, my deeply held convictions about the institution of the family, about moral and spiritual beliefs and about the welfare of our country."
Couldn't possibly be the person who said the following, could it?
"... While I am not endorsing Senator John McCain, the possibility is there that I might."
Or could it? You never know, do you?
Dobson and other evangelical leaders unimpressed by McCain increasingly are taking a lesser-of-two-evils approach to the 2008 race. Dobson and his guest, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary president Albert Mohler, spend most of the pretaped Focus on the Family radio program criticizing Democratic candidate Barack Obama, getting to McCain at the very end. [...] "There's nothing dishonorable in a person rethinking his or her positions, especially in a constantly changing political context," Dobson said in a statement to the AP. "Barack Obama contradicts and threatens everything I believe about the institution of the family and what is best for the nation. His radical positions on life, marriage and national security force me to reevaluate the candidacy of our only other choice, John [Sidney] McCain [III]." [...] Of his new position, Dobson said in the statement to the AP, "If that is a flip-flop, then so be it."
Fine & dandy, Jimbo, but let's not hear any "he's a flip-flopper" crap about Sen. Obama from you or anyone who takes your endorsement, now that we know we're in a "constantly changing political context."
Dobson is considered a powerful voice in conservative evangelical Christianity; his radio broadcast reaches 1.5 million U.S. listeners daily. Critics argue his influence is waning, pointing to a younger generation of leaders pushing to broaden the movement's agenda.
Place your rodent device here & click to see one of the "younger generation of leaders." Oh, wait. It's Jim's rad SK8er son, Ryan, who hasn't posted on his hip website since January. Must be busy broadening his agenda. Or polishing his skateboard, if you know what we mean.

"glow"ing Hell UPDATE

We're stealing one from Comments Queen "g," who really cut to the proverbial chase about our local "glow" event:
I had fun at "glow" but as for "art" it was...meh. I continue to be amused at "artists" discovering basic stage lighting techniques for the first time.
But, yeah, but, it's, like, "ART." Like. And now, having visited Doves Today to copy & paste the URL, & discovered "g's" item, we refer you there for fuller coverage of "glow," w/ photographs.

It's Only Monday!! Why Is He in the Dog Trainer Today?

Had quite a shock this a. m. while perusing the Times @ Starbucks©. We thought we'd missed a day, & it was already Tues.!! Turns out that, for some reason, the fish wrapper decided to print more of Jonah Goldberg's output than contractually required. And it might not be a bad move for Jonah. Indeed, he may have found his comfort level. The piece, which occupies more than half the op-ed page, consists mostly of photographs, & doesn't involve any complete sentences, just Jonah's "capsule commentary"/handicapping of John Sidney McCain III's potential veep choices. We'll note that he neglects to mention Louisiana gubnor Bobby Jindal's famous "exorcism" activities. Perhaps Jonah should note the ease w/ which his research assistant/intern pulled this off (half an hour maximum?) & devote his flunky's time to more of the same: Picture books w/ simple captions. For children. Think how much the young would hate the "nanny state" that so worries our young friend. (Note to the literal-minded: We're being condescending.)

History Is Bunk!!

Today is Monday, July 21, the 203rd day of 2008. There are 163 days left in the year.
(Can it be over soon enough?)

In 1841, the British humour magazine Punch was first published.
(We like to think of ourself as carrying on the tradition. We also like to imagine ourself w/ huge leather bat-wings, among other fantasies. Is Punch still published?)

Good news from the past: Ninety yrs. ago (1918) Czar Nicolas II & his parasitic family received their due justice, execution-style, from the Bolsheviks.

Seventy yrs. ago (1938) Douglas Corrigan, claiming to be headed for Calif., flew to Ireland, thus entering history as "Wrong Way Corrigan." It is suspected that he knew what he was doing all along.

In 1944, two ammunition ships exploded in Port Chicago, CA.
Below: Brothers w/ a bomb at Port Chicago.
(Almost all of the 322 people killed were African-American, because Navy policy at the time was for black folk to work as stevedores, or as stewards for admirals & other such scum. [John Sidney McCains I & II, for example.] It is now conceded that safety standards for ammo loading were lax, due to U. S. Navy racism.)

Sixty yrs. ago, in 1948, South Carolina Governor Sen. Strom Thurmond was endorsed by a cracker convention in Birmingham, Ala., because that asswipe Truman was going to let "niggers" serve w/ white people in the Armed Services, among other complaints.
(We just wish some Republicans opposed to Grumpy Grampy McCain would do the same thing. It's not too late.)

In 1955: Disneyland© opened, eventually ruining the carnival business, replacing the fun w/ sterilized, controlled theme park crap for middle Americans.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Last Night in a Glowing Hell

Attended the "glow" something or another festival around the S. M. Pier last night, the closest we've ever been to a "rave," & though we have done some raving in the so-called real world (as even the casual reader here will have noticed) this was no doubt the closest we'll ever get to a "rave." And are we tired. As some of our fellow aging wretches noted, this was the first time in recent memory any of us had heard the phrase "last call" used in person. That's right, no "X" or what have you, The Editor himself had only a mere sip of a margarita to remind himself how awful tequila is, but all were rather run down by the midpoint of the 12 hr. festivities. As to the event itself, suffice it to say that by the end of the '60s we were quite over light shows, & those were accompanied by music performed by live humans playing instruments, not the brain-dead, soulless, robotic "Gas Music from Jupiter" that today's young people use to accompany their soulless computer-generated post-random color patterns &...blah, blah, blah, mumble mumble...etc., etc. Nap time.

Another Day in HIstory

Below: First Fascist on the Moon. Official NASA Photo:Wernher Von Braun
39 yrs. ago today, on a heavily guarded sound stage in Culver City, California, the first test pilot from Ohio left trash on another object in our solar system, Luna. (This part of this item has been vaguely modified from the original of a yr. ago. The following part is entirely original.)

Today's Cheesecake: Mrs. Peel, who hits the big Seven-Zero today.Per Wikipedia she is officially Dame Enid Diana Elizabeth Rigg, & there is indeed nothing like a dame. Voyeurs in general, & male humanoids who reached puberty in the mid-'60s especially, may click here for further photos. Thank you Google™.